Oprah Winfrey is more than a talk show host(ess), she's an icon and a cultural phenomenon. Whether you ever watched her television show or not, you cannot say you've never heard of her. People who are serving life sentences in prison know who she is. People who have been institutionalized in psych wards and don't know who they are know who she is. I'm convinced polar bears know who she is and are curious as to why she's never interviewed a penguin on her show. (Seriously, though, what's she got against penguins, yo?). More than the adoration of an individual is a detailed study of what fascinates us about that individual. To map this out, here's a list of things I dig about Oprah:
1. Her name - it's unusual. I can't say I've ever met another person named "Oprah". I'm sure there's gotta be somebody else with that name, unless she trademarked it or something or made it so parents have to pay royalties on the use of that name for their children (oh, wait, that would go to Merv Griffin, hehe). Anyway, it's relatively unique. Unlike Barbara, Michelle, Laura, Hillary -- which just happen to be the names of First Ladies, by the way. Pretty generic. Hmm...*rubs chin*). Also, you can't say "O" in "Oprah" without looking like you're awestruck. Sweet name.
2. She's not Maury - There have been a truckload of loser nonsensical silly worthless punk @ss talk show hosts (and hostesses) but thank goodness Oprah isn't any of them. She's not Maury, the King of the paternity test. She's not Ricki Lake, the Makeover Queen. She's not the one who surprised a guest with a secret crush and got somebody killed (can't think of her name right now). Oprah is Oprah, and she doesn't do paternity tests or shows about people who would like to marry their cousins or whatever. She interviews celebrities, and does shows about issues.
3. She doesn't take any crap - You don't mess with Oprah. Remember the dude who wrote the memoir and we found out it was really fiction, and he had been on Oprah's show telling her all the details of his so-called life? When it came out that he hadn't been truthful, Oprah was pissed. She went on Larry King and was like, "Oh no this dude did not come up on my show and try to play me." Oprah cannot be played. She hauled the dude back on her show and proceeded to cuss him out, and then sent him to bed with no supper. That's what you get.
4. Oprah is never wrong - even when she's completely, 100% dead wrong, she's right. Not because if you look at it from her perspective she's right -- she's actually 100% dead wrong, from every perspective. But she doesn't think she is. Oprah uses mind control on reality and gets it to conform to her whims. Question, "Oprah, why don't you have rappers on your show?" Answer, "Because rap doesn't exist. What is this 'rap' of which you speak? I've never heard of it but it sounds like a novel idea".
5. Oprah knows more about politics than politicians -- she's better at politics and getting people involved than politicians. The only people doing it bigger in this regard are Bono (because he's awesome), Jon Stewart (because he's awesome) and his mini-me Stephen Colbert (because he's awesome at pretending he believes he's awesome for acting like a host on an MSNBC show). These others are awesome at rallying people together, but part of their appeal lies in what they do -- Bono is a supremely talented musician. Stewart and Colbert are really funny. They appeal to us because we tap into their talent. Oprah is just Oprah, and we know her for being Oprah. She's the first fully functioning celebrity who is really just known for being who she is. She's done some acting but it's not the main thing we know her for. She's not a comedian. She's not known for singing. If rap existed, I'm not sure she would be interested in it. I haven't seen her dance. I think we like her for her sincerity, and that's the kind of thing that moves people. That, and giving people cars and houses and sh!t.
6. She's sincere. - And she gives people cars and houses and sh*t.
7. She seems to enjoy our planet's resident musical genius, Prince Rogers Nelson. - Anybody who likes Prince has got to have some redeeming qualities. Oprah's got plenty.
Oprah and the Oprah Winfrey Show just can't be beat, Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
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