And the list of Prince albums containing references to specific individuals -- goes on:
13. Graffiti Bridge (1990): This album is a soundtrack for a not-so-great movie. The soundtrack is filled with Prince plus his various guests and movie costars: The Time, Tevin Campbell, George Clinton, and Mavis Staples. That last singer, Ms. Staples, sings a song called "Melody Cool". There's the reference to the specific person!
14. Diamonds & Pearls (1991): A very strong commercial showing, this one. In the song titles, "Daddy Pop" is the specific character reference. Not exactly sure who or what "Daddy Pop" actually is, though. Elsewhere, the song "Thunder" has the line, "Promise to see Jesus in the morning light," so there's that reference, and then in "Gett Off", there's the line, "I clocked the jizz from a friend of yours named Vanessa Bett." I get that "Vanessa Bett" is a person. I don't get what "clocked the jizz" means, but that's another topic for another time.
15. The Love Symbol Album (1992): This is a rock opera of sorts, with segues featuring Kirstie Ally as a pesky reporter named "Vanessa Bartholomew". Bingo, there's a reference! Also, the opener "My Name is Prince" introduces our hero in fine form as he is trying to whoo the Princess of Cairo, who would be played by dancer-who-became-wife-then-divorced-and-became-actress Mayte Garcia. So "Prince" is a character in his own opera. Don't get mad and call it "egotistical". Write your own opera. If I wrote an opera I wouldn't be scared to cast myself as "me". Another song is "Sweet Baby" but I don't know if we can consider that specific enough. On the other hand, I did go for "Baby" on the very first album, so *shrug* maybe.
16. Come (1994): The song "Papa" outlines domestic violence and abuse. I don't need to say more.
17. The Gold Experience (1995): Many a Prince fan will tell you that "Come" and "Gold" should have been combined into a single awesome album. Perhaps. In the meantime, the specific reference here is "Billy Jack Bitch", which may or may not be about a columnist who talked all kinds of ish about our boy. Who knows.
18. Chaos & Disorder (1996): "Dinner with Delores" reminds me of Prince's Around the World in a Day album. Just me? I think not! It's got some killer, funny lines in it too: "Damn, Delores, pick another subject, please / Introduce the carpet to something other than your knees". Bam. "Zannalee" is another namedropping track. Not really sure what the deal is with the character, though, but the guitar totally and completely rawks your face off!
19. Emancipation (1996): This is 3CDs of goodies. Prince pays homage to himself, or some permutation thereof, in "Mr. Happy". In "Friend, Lover, Sister, Mother/Wife", he pays homage to his woman, who at the time was Mayte. Out of 3 hours of music, Prince doesn't really do his "character reference" trick on this. My theory is that this album, which is his first fully realized taste of "freedom" from his Warner Brothers contract, was meant to be personal and motivated by his life at the time. So it's really about him and where he was back then, not about creating narrators or speculating about the lives of others.
Peace, for now, and Prince-ly-ness!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Seven Dirty Words That Make You Look Like Bad Parents
Well, it's no secret that I don't like children. I mean, I like them in theory, as something to wished-for in the not-so-near future, or as something to think about wistfully but without much regard for how realistic it would be to have them. I'm on the fence about having my own kids, so you know I'm decidedly in the "nay" column when it comes to dealing with other people's kids. I give tennis lessons to children, and I can tell you that you might not know your little brats as well as you think you do. For starters, they are saying things they shouldn't say, and they are probably making you look like you're an unfit parent. The list below tells the truth about what your 10-and-unders are saying when you're not around and when you hope no one is listening:
1. Dang it. Actually, some of them say "damn it". That's right, at 9 and 10 years old, they say this, and it is disgusting.
2. Freaking or Frigging. They say stuff like, "I forgot to bring my freaking water bottle." This is a gateway word. They are a hairline fracture away from saying the real thing.
3. Heck. I hate it when they say, "What the heck?" as much as The Notorious B.I.G. used to like it when people called him "Big Poppa". "Heck" is too close to "hell", which, by the way, a few of them are saying too.
4. Douche or Douche bag. Admittedly, I haven't heard a kid younger than 10 call someone a douche or a douche bag but coming from a 10 year old this is pretty bad anyway, wouldn't you say?
5. No. This word is absolutely appropriate when talking to strangers or monsters hiding in the closet or the Grim Reaper. But kids are getting a little too good at saying "No" in response to clear and necessary instructions from authority figures, teachers, and the like. Lately, my solution has been to make them run 2 miles around the nearby track when I don't get my instructions followed. You bet your freaking bottom dollar that dang thing works like a charm.
6. Sucks. This word shouldn't be used without a direct object and, therefore, probably shouldn't be used by your sucky, obnoxious child.
7. Can't. When any child says s/he can't do something, a little piece of your heart should crumble, fall away, and get blown by a gust of wind. Children need to be more positive (because when you suck like they do, you need to learn to roll with the punches).
Peace & Celibacy!
1. Dang it. Actually, some of them say "damn it". That's right, at 9 and 10 years old, they say this, and it is disgusting.
2. Freaking or Frigging. They say stuff like, "I forgot to bring my freaking water bottle." This is a gateway word. They are a hairline fracture away from saying the real thing.
3. Heck. I hate it when they say, "What the heck?" as much as The Notorious B.I.G. used to like it when people called him "Big Poppa". "Heck" is too close to "hell", which, by the way, a few of them are saying too.
4. Douche or Douche bag. Admittedly, I haven't heard a kid younger than 10 call someone a douche or a douche bag but coming from a 10 year old this is pretty bad anyway, wouldn't you say?
5. No. This word is absolutely appropriate when talking to strangers or monsters hiding in the closet or the Grim Reaper. But kids are getting a little too good at saying "No" in response to clear and necessary instructions from authority figures, teachers, and the like. Lately, my solution has been to make them run 2 miles around the nearby track when I don't get my instructions followed. You bet your freaking bottom dollar that dang thing works like a charm.
6. Sucks. This word shouldn't be used without a direct object and, therefore, probably shouldn't be used by your sucky, obnoxious child.
7. Can't. When any child says s/he can't do something, a little piece of your heart should crumble, fall away, and get blown by a gust of wind. Children need to be more positive (because when you suck like they do, you need to learn to roll with the punches).
Peace & Celibacy!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Ten TV Show Themes That Rock
Theme songs from television shows used to be a signature aspect of the TV landscape. They were crafted to be catchy and easy to remember and easy to associate with the underlying program. Viewers were able to glean the gist of the show from the intro. If you listen closely, you'll see a trend amongst theme songs in the 1970s and 1980s -- there's a trend of upward mobility, personal progress, and keeping things simple (i.e. focusing on what's important in life, rather than extravagance). The list below brings you a few of our favorite TV themes:
1. Who's the Boss: This is a corny theme song, but it gets me right in the gut every time and chokes me up a little bit. It makes me long for the '80s! (Please note: I'm not talking about the first season's rendition of the theme song. There's something off about that one. I like the one in the later seasons).
5. Barnaby Jones: "Barnaby Jones" was played by Buddy Epson, the dude on the Beverly Hillbillies who used to eat dinner on the pool table. He was a cop. This song doesn't have any words except for the narrator coming in to tell everybody stuff about the credits of the show. But this song bumps. I'm surprised some rap artist hasn't sampled it yet (yes, I'm looking at you, P. Diddy). If this song doesn't make you want to go out and fight crime or slap the mess outta somebody, then you don't have a pulse.
6. Kim Possible: Yeah, I said it. This song has no business being mentioned ahead of a bunch of other themes, but whatever. It's Christina Milian putting in work, so take that, Haters. And, yes, a crime-fighting teenage girl who is also smart is a rare combo on this here planet Earth, so take some more of that with a little bit of this, Naysayers! Bonus fact: I know all the words to this song, including the background vocals. What up.
7. The Golden Girls: This song is just iconic and sums up this show's stance on friendship that goes well beyond age and socially constructed demographics.
9. Mad Men: This theme was crafted by none other than hip-hop deejay RJD2. Very sleek and modern, sort of like the show itself even though it's a period piece.
Peace & More Jingles!
1. Who's the Boss: This is a corny theme song, but it gets me right in the gut every time and chokes me up a little bit. It makes me long for the '80s! (Please note: I'm not talking about the first season's rendition of the theme song. There's something off about that one. I like the one in the later seasons).
2. Laverne & Shirley - This song is so grrrrrl power, and I love it! We're gonna make our dreams come true! Do it! Do it! Do it!
3. Alice - This song is really great. I thought it summed up the "Alice" experience to perfection. It's got the empowerment vibe going and it's kind of bluesy too.
4. The Mary Tyler Moore Show: Yep, this is sheer ear candy. It's uplifting as all get out, and it makes you want to go out, throw your hat in the air, and conquer the stinkin' world. What I don't love is that it's being sung by a man, but that's okay. He's got a nice voice on him.
5. Barnaby Jones: "Barnaby Jones" was played by Buddy Epson, the dude on the Beverly Hillbillies who used to eat dinner on the pool table. He was a cop. This song doesn't have any words except for the narrator coming in to tell everybody stuff about the credits of the show. But this song bumps. I'm surprised some rap artist hasn't sampled it yet (yes, I'm looking at you, P. Diddy). If this song doesn't make you want to go out and fight crime or slap the mess outta somebody, then you don't have a pulse.
6. Kim Possible: Yeah, I said it. This song has no business being mentioned ahead of a bunch of other themes, but whatever. It's Christina Milian putting in work, so take that, Haters. And, yes, a crime-fighting teenage girl who is also smart is a rare combo on this here planet Earth, so take some more of that with a little bit of this, Naysayers! Bonus fact: I know all the words to this song, including the background vocals. What up.
7. The Golden Girls: This song is just iconic and sums up this show's stance on friendship that goes well beyond age and socially constructed demographics.
8. Perry Mason: Epic stuff right here. This is the type of music you want to hear playing behind you when you need to do something heroic. Like stand in line at the DMV. Or report for Jury Duty. Or use the self checkout machine at the grocery store. Epic $h!t.
9. Mad Men: This theme was crafted by none other than hip-hop deejay RJD2. Very sleek and modern, sort of like the show itself even though it's a period piece.
10. Hart to Hart: This show was unintentionally hilarious! It was about a crime-fighting millionaire married couple. Only in the Reagan Era! The introduction to the show, however, is killer.
Peace & More Jingles!
Dallas is Back (Part 4)
In case no one realized it, Larry Hagman is absolutely killing his reprisal of his classic '80s role as scheming oil tycoon John Ross ("J.R.") Ewing, Jr. This dude (the actor as well as the character) is just on another level, compared to the other characters/actors on the show as well as those outside of the "Dallas" universe. Sure, there are other characters that we might say we "love to hate", but none of them does it with such surefire ease and pizzazz as Mr. Larry Hagman. He's a joy to watch, even when the material doesn't live up to the task, and especially when the other characters (particularly the younger ones) fail to excite. And they fail often.
Here are a few observations I have about Larry Hagman as "J.R. Ewing" in the TNT "Dallas" reboot:
1. Hagman still has his trademark grin and his undeniable swagger. This dude had swag before anybody ever called it "swag". It's the grin that seals it. Hagman just seems to morph into this character as soon as the director says, "Action!" He is totally immersed. Evidently, he was born for this role. It's in his DNA. I wish he could do this forever. I'd watch it. Of course, I'd also have to live forever to watch it, so there's a bit of a snag. But I will work that out and then work out the logistics for Hagman and that'll be that. The other characters are superfluous anyway, except maybe the guy playing Cliff Barnes. That dude is excellent too.
2. Hagman's age (he's 80, I think) affects the realism of what the character can do. Luckily, the J.R. Ewing character wasn't much of a fighter. He got into a few scrapes and every so often he got a good punch off, but usually he was getting thrown into a pool or cracked across the jaw or pushed off a building or shot at, so he's not really comfortable as the aggressor. That's great because JR Ewing is too old to be fist fighting. He's better at chess.
3. The biggest issue for Hagman's age then is the fact that his character can't really seduce women the way he used to. The character incorporated something about this in the first few episodes, sort of letting you know that he's not going to be the ladies man he used to be. Thank goodness for that, because it's not necessary. NO-body wants to see that. However, that presents a problem, because JR Ewing was always good at getting what he wanted, and sometimes that meant seducing a woman for his own economic benefit, not just for the pleasure of the conquest. So, the downside here is that we're losing a vital side of this character, a memorable side at that, and there isn't any way to substitute for it. Tough break there, JR.
4. There is a lot of double dealing and backstabbing on this show, far more than there was on the original drama. Oh yes, there were plenty of agendas back in the 1980s, but the "Dallas" reboot has found a way to pit every single character into the central mix with a specific stake in the outcome. Everybody has something to lose. This, I think, is a tribute to Hagman's style and the legend of his character. If you let JR Ewing back in the oil game, that means other people have to be up to the task or else he's going to destroy them in two episodes. This way, everybody is trying to double cross everyone else, so the stakes are higher and maybe even JR Ewing won't see everything coming. Also, when some of the actors/actresses are as dull as these people are, twisting up the plot a bit makes sense.
5. JR Ewing really needs to teach his son, John Ross Ewing III, how to be more charming. This kid is too brash, too abrasive, too under-confident. Maybe that's the result of the back-story in which JR failed to spend time with his son. So his son has daddy issues. Maybe. But I think it would have been more fascinating to find someone with the charisma to go toe-to-toe with the old man, really challenge him and take him on.
Peace & JR Ewing Forever!
Prince (Part 2)
More about the specific people referenced on Prince's albums in the list below:
7. Around the World in a Day (1985): The referenced individual is not listed in the song title, but you will find a woman named "Electra" who loved a king in the song "the Ladder". Also, in "Condition of the Heart", there is a story of a "woman whom he sent a letter to / hoping she would answer back". The woman remains nameless, though. As much as this might hurt the validity of my theory, I reserve the right to note that this album does showcase a specific place, "Paisley Park", which became the name of Prince's studio and boutique record label. This album was Prince's first to feature the swirling "Paisley Park" logo.
8. Parade/Music from the Motion Picture "Under the Cherry Moon" (1986): This, like "Purple Rain", is a soundtrack. "Parade" is a fantastically eclectic album, even more so than Prince's usual throw-in-the-kitchen-sink approach. The movie features a playboy named Christopher Tracy, and that's the specific reference for the album in songs like "Christopher Tracy's Parade" and the heartbreaking album closer, "Sometimes It Snows In April" (he begins, "Tracy died soon after a long fought civil war").
9. Sign O The Times (1987): Hailed by some, including this writer, as Prince's masterpiece, it features "The Ballad of Dorothy Parker". Doesn't seem to be about the real life Dorothy Parker but whatever, it's still a named person, so there.
10. The Black Album (1994): This album was intended to follow "Sign O the Times" but it was shelved, heavily bootlegged, and then released in 1994. Features the song "Cincy C.", about a model. It also features a trippy, malevolently executed (slowed down vocals) song called "Bob George". I'm thinking "Bob George" is a manager. The lead vocal asks, "What's he do for a living? Manage rock stars! Who? Prince? Ain't that a b*tch? That skinny motherf*cka with the high voice?"
11. LoveSexy (1988): This album contains the timeless jam "Anna Stesia". In "Dance On", some dude named "Little Talk Johnny" managed to mess up "the big score", for which "the gang nailed his feet to a wooden floor." Hmmm.... Also, the overall theme of this album is one of those good/bad, heaven/hell dichotomies, wherein "LoveSexy" represents the good and the godly and "Spooky Electric" represents the bad and the bawdy. "LoveSexy" vs. "Spooky Electric" references show up all over this LP.
12. Batman (1989): Yes, this is a soundtrack for the Batman movie so the songs are pretty much geared toward the movie characters. Prince makes it so each song has lead vocals "by" a particular character, whether it's Batman, Bruce Wayne, Joker, or Vicki Vale. "Partyman", featured in the movie, is by Joker. "Vicki Waiting" laments the Batman/Bruce Wayne mind state that keeps love at bay in favor of crime fighting. Deep stuff, in my opinion, and taken as a whole I don't think this album gets half of the recognition it deserves.
Peace & Paisley Park in your heart!
7. Around the World in a Day (1985): The referenced individual is not listed in the song title, but you will find a woman named "Electra" who loved a king in the song "the Ladder". Also, in "Condition of the Heart", there is a story of a "woman whom he sent a letter to / hoping she would answer back". The woman remains nameless, though. As much as this might hurt the validity of my theory, I reserve the right to note that this album does showcase a specific place, "Paisley Park", which became the name of Prince's studio and boutique record label. This album was Prince's first to feature the swirling "Paisley Park" logo.
8. Parade/Music from the Motion Picture "Under the Cherry Moon" (1986): This, like "Purple Rain", is a soundtrack. "Parade" is a fantastically eclectic album, even more so than Prince's usual throw-in-the-kitchen-sink approach. The movie features a playboy named Christopher Tracy, and that's the specific reference for the album in songs like "Christopher Tracy's Parade" and the heartbreaking album closer, "Sometimes It Snows In April" (he begins, "Tracy died soon after a long fought civil war").
10. The Black Album (1994): This album was intended to follow "Sign O the Times" but it was shelved, heavily bootlegged, and then released in 1994. Features the song "Cincy C.", about a model. It also features a trippy, malevolently executed (slowed down vocals) song called "Bob George". I'm thinking "Bob George" is a manager. The lead vocal asks, "What's he do for a living? Manage rock stars! Who? Prince? Ain't that a b*tch? That skinny motherf*cka with the high voice?"
11. LoveSexy (1988): This album contains the timeless jam "Anna Stesia". In "Dance On", some dude named "Little Talk Johnny" managed to mess up "the big score", for which "the gang nailed his feet to a wooden floor." Hmmm.... Also, the overall theme of this album is one of those good/bad, heaven/hell dichotomies, wherein "LoveSexy" represents the good and the godly and "Spooky Electric" represents the bad and the bawdy. "LoveSexy" vs. "Spooky Electric" references show up all over this LP.
Peace & Paisley Park in your heart!
The Worst Things About Summer
Once upon a time, there was a season called Summer, and it was a very very good season indeed. It was a time for fun and frolic, a time when relatives would come together for reunions or birthdays, a time when brides would look forward to weddings, and a time when the world in general seemed at peace. Now? Utopia has collapsed. Somebody paved paradise and put up a Wal-Mart! It is so not fun. Why? Because Summer has developed a few weaknesses that make it a more difficult season than it used to be, especially compared to the relative spike in popularity of Spring, Autumn, and Winter.
The list below explains a few of the reasons why Summer blows:
1. It's too hot. I don't know if it's global warming or an ozone eating virus eating away at the atmosphere or what, but it's just too hot. That's all there is to it. I don't get it. People are passing out, getting sick, and having all sorts of health problems. It's too hot. Knock it off, Sun. You've made your point. We get it. You're hot.
2. The Power goes out. Seriously, it never fails. As soon as it gets hot, the power companies decide they can't compete with the heat in terms of air conditioning and fans and all that jazz, so they wimp out and lose power. Oh, sure, they'll say there was a traffic accident that caused the problem or they just had a general maintenance issue, but basically they don't want you to know that they can't handle their business because then they know people will get disgruntled. So they act like they had some random, freakish incident that blew the power. When the power comes back on, people will be too grateful (and drained of energy) to complain. Get you energy game up, Power Companies. We're on to you.
3. Your kids are in my camp. Well, I don't run ALL camps. But you know what I mean. Parents are like, "Oh, snap, my kid isn't in school right now, and I don't know what to do with this brat. I'm not gonna let Timmy/Jenny ruin my summer. I'll put them in camp!" And that's how a parent transforms their own crappy summer into someone else's crappy summer. Voila! Besides my general disdain for other people's offspring, you ought to know that your kids are as obnoxious when you're not around as they are when you're standing next to them. Get your parenting game up, y'all. For real.
4. It's too short. As much as I hate the hotness of it, and as sick as I am of your children, you've got to admit it would be nice if this season could be longer (and perhaps a few degrees cooler).
Peace & Humidity!
The list below explains a few of the reasons why Summer blows:
1. It's too hot. I don't know if it's global warming or an ozone eating virus eating away at the atmosphere or what, but it's just too hot. That's all there is to it. I don't get it. People are passing out, getting sick, and having all sorts of health problems. It's too hot. Knock it off, Sun. You've made your point. We get it. You're hot.
2. The Power goes out. Seriously, it never fails. As soon as it gets hot, the power companies decide they can't compete with the heat in terms of air conditioning and fans and all that jazz, so they wimp out and lose power. Oh, sure, they'll say there was a traffic accident that caused the problem or they just had a general maintenance issue, but basically they don't want you to know that they can't handle their business because then they know people will get disgruntled. So they act like they had some random, freakish incident that blew the power. When the power comes back on, people will be too grateful (and drained of energy) to complain. Get you energy game up, Power Companies. We're on to you.
3. Your kids are in my camp. Well, I don't run ALL camps. But you know what I mean. Parents are like, "Oh, snap, my kid isn't in school right now, and I don't know what to do with this brat. I'm not gonna let Timmy/Jenny ruin my summer. I'll put them in camp!" And that's how a parent transforms their own crappy summer into someone else's crappy summer. Voila! Besides my general disdain for other people's offspring, you ought to know that your kids are as obnoxious when you're not around as they are when you're standing next to them. Get your parenting game up, y'all. For real.
4. It's too short. As much as I hate the hotness of it, and as sick as I am of your children, you've got to admit it would be nice if this season could be longer (and perhaps a few degrees cooler).
Peace & Humidity!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Birthday of Prince Rogers Nelson (Part 1)
Now, as everyone who knows me can attest, I am a fanatic for one Mr. Prince Rogers Nelson and his music. Correction. I am a fanatic for his music. I'm afraid if I ever met the musician, I might not like him. In fact, I'm always afraid of this when it comes to celebrities, mainly because it seems like every celebrity I actually meet finds a way to behave like a jerk. Two exceptions would be hip-hop producer 9th Wonder, who is awesome and extremely down to earth, and Kim Fields, who played "Tootie" on The Facts of Life sitcom. So there's that.
Anyhoo, I love Prince's music. Since I refuse to get wrapped up in the man himself, I do acknowledge his birthday at the beginning of June (the 7th), but I find it useful to celebrate when I get good and ready, as long as I observe it in June. Prince's music is quite fascinating. One thing I've noticed about it, that I don't think I've heard anybody mention, is that Prince's albums usually have a song making reference to a specific person. Sometimes the person is named directly, as in "Darling Nikki". Sometimes the name is implied or the person is referred to by what they do "Lady Cab Driver" or who they are "Baby".
The list below shows the Prince album, followed by the person referenced by a song on the album. Explanations and commentary only where needed:
1. For You (1978). Song: "Baby": "Baby, what are we gonna do?" Young parents worried about having a baby, but the lyrics are also written so that the speaker could be addressing the baby directly.
2. Prince (1979). Song: "Bambi": Bambi cheated on the narrator with another woman. "Bambi, can't you understand? / Bambi, it's better with a man". Oh, apparently not.
3. Dirty Mind (1980). Song: "Sister": So...there seems to be some inappropriate intimacy happening here.
4. Controversy (1981). Songs: "Ronnie, Talk to Russia", "Annie Christian". Obviously, "Ronnie" references President Ronald Reagan and the song goes didactic over the cold war with Russia. "Annie Christian" seems to be a composite of all things that are "anti-Christian", so it's a play on words.
5. 1999 (1982). Song: "Lady Cab Driver". Why Prince likes taxi cabs so much is beyond me. He mentioned living in taxi cabs in "Annie Christian" on the last album. Weird.
6. Purple Rain (1984). Song: "Darling Nikki". Okay, Nikki was a superfreak (with all due respect to Rick James).
...To be continued...
Peace & Princely funk!
Anyhoo, I love Prince's music. Since I refuse to get wrapped up in the man himself, I do acknowledge his birthday at the beginning of June (the 7th), but I find it useful to celebrate when I get good and ready, as long as I observe it in June. Prince's music is quite fascinating. One thing I've noticed about it, that I don't think I've heard anybody mention, is that Prince's albums usually have a song making reference to a specific person. Sometimes the person is named directly, as in "Darling Nikki". Sometimes the name is implied or the person is referred to by what they do "Lady Cab Driver" or who they are "Baby".
The list below shows the Prince album, followed by the person referenced by a song on the album. Explanations and commentary only where needed:
2. Prince (1979). Song: "Bambi": Bambi cheated on the narrator with another woman. "Bambi, can't you understand? / Bambi, it's better with a man". Oh, apparently not.
3. Dirty Mind (1980). Song: "Sister": So...there seems to be some inappropriate intimacy happening here.
4. Controversy (1981). Songs: "Ronnie, Talk to Russia", "Annie Christian". Obviously, "Ronnie" references President Ronald Reagan and the song goes didactic over the cold war with Russia. "Annie Christian" seems to be a composite of all things that are "anti-Christian", so it's a play on words.
5. 1999 (1982). Song: "Lady Cab Driver". Why Prince likes taxi cabs so much is beyond me. He mentioned living in taxi cabs in "Annie Christian" on the last album. Weird.
6. Purple Rain (1984). Song: "Darling Nikki". Okay, Nikki was a superfreak (with all due respect to Rick James).
...To be continued...
Peace & Princely funk!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Dallas is back (part 3)
And finally, at long last, we may have an answer to our query, with no commercial interruptions I might add. So here's the query: if Dallas is getting a remake, with the reboot treatment, then what other unholy relic should we resurrect? I have some ideas, in the list below:
1. Dynasty: if JR Ewing was the man you loved to hate, Joan Collins's "Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Etc" was the woman you loved to hate to love to hate. A total B-word, that's the way she was marketed in the '80s. It's another oil tycoon show, which makes it a little outdated by today's concerns and probably a little old fashioned, but the cat fights and bickering never get old. I find the show remarkable for three reasons. One, if I remember correctly, was the show's inclusion of a gay character, which is not common for the decade. And two, Prince mentioned the show in his song "Kiss": "You don't have to watch Dynasty / to have an attitude." Third: Heather Locklear.
2. Falcon Crest: Yo, a family with a fortune built on cultivating wine? Great, just stay
away from another oil plot and I am happy as a clam bake. This show gave us Lorenzo Lamas, which is a downer, and I don't remember it being too big on eye candy, but that can be easily remedied. Give it the reboot!
3. The Love Boat: Has this not been tried? Or re-tried? People taking a cruise and finding love or rekindling love largely because they are trapped on the boat and either have to be miserable or figure out how to work out their issues? Yeah, I might watch that.
4. Guiding Light: yes, I realize this was a daytime soap that has been cancelled, but they ought to reboot it for nighttime! That would be crazy, and it would totally work. Just make sure you have the old faithfuls in the Spaulding family, the Lewis clan, and of course the queen diva Reva Shayne, and it's gotta be a hit.
Four relics would be quite enough, considering what's been done already. Geez.
Peace and soap operas!
1. Dynasty: if JR Ewing was the man you loved to hate, Joan Collins's "Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Etc" was the woman you loved to hate to love to hate. A total B-word, that's the way she was marketed in the '80s. It's another oil tycoon show, which makes it a little outdated by today's concerns and probably a little old fashioned, but the cat fights and bickering never get old. I find the show remarkable for three reasons. One, if I remember correctly, was the show's inclusion of a gay character, which is not common for the decade. And two, Prince mentioned the show in his song "Kiss": "You don't have to watch Dynasty / to have an attitude." Third: Heather Locklear.
2. Falcon Crest: Yo, a family with a fortune built on cultivating wine? Great, just stay
away from another oil plot and I am happy as a clam bake. This show gave us Lorenzo Lamas, which is a downer, and I don't remember it being too big on eye candy, but that can be easily remedied. Give it the reboot!
3. The Love Boat: Has this not been tried? Or re-tried? People taking a cruise and finding love or rekindling love largely because they are trapped on the boat and either have to be miserable or figure out how to work out their issues? Yeah, I might watch that.
4. Guiding Light: yes, I realize this was a daytime soap that has been cancelled, but they ought to reboot it for nighttime! That would be crazy, and it would totally work. Just make sure you have the old faithfuls in the Spaulding family, the Lewis clan, and of course the queen diva Reva Shayne, and it's gotta be a hit.
Four relics would be quite enough, considering what's been done already. Geez.
Peace and soap operas!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Overrated-ness (A Commercial Break from "Dallas")
Some things are simply overrated, and the Internet has a way of exaggerating things at an exponential level and rate. It's weird that this happens because the Internet potentially touches so many otherwise disconnected people that it is championed as a bastion of community and diversity. Yet, there are still things "trending", still a sort of "consensus", still a groundswell of mainstream mentality. Even on the Net. Funny too that the Internet has a tendency to blow things out of proportion relative to the old school socializing medium known as television. In other words, television used to be our socializing agent; now, it's the Internet. But when the Internet refers to television, it blows some things out of proportion. Here's a list of things I wish people would stop talking about and trying to stuff into the discourse when the topic is television.
1. "Mad Men" - Yes, it's a good show. Yes, it's a period piece. Yes, it's well crafted and Jon Hamm does his job quite well, but...it doesn't have to be mentioned in every television review. Some things simply aren't about "Mad Men"!
2. "Breaking Bad" - Yes, the show about the chemistry teacher facing terminal cancer who starts cooking and selling meth to make sure his family is secure -- it's good. Very good. But not every actor trying to create a complex character has to be compared to Bryan Cranston. Face it. The dude has only had one seriously memorable role and it's this one! One out of one is a perfect record but it's not a winning streak just yet.
3. "The Kardashians" - people use the Kardashians when they hate a show and they want to compare it to something silly. They also use the Kardashians when they like a show and they want to show that it's nothing like the Kardashians. Find another show to use for comparing and contrasting. Get a remote control, why don'tcha, and use it!
4. "Saturday Night Live" skits/shorts - Saturday Night Live is not good. Period. It hasn't been good for decades and everybody knows it. It's got name recognition but, really, it's mostly un-funny. There's no need to be mentioning this relic and trying to make something so obviously irrelevant seem relevant to any discussion. It's not relevant.
5. The Sopranos - Oh I get so sick of hearing about Tony Soprano. You could be watching one of those reality shows about marrying a bachelorette or something and a critic will find a way to compare a contestant to a mobster on the Sopranos. Forget about it, eh?
Peace & Commercialism!
1. "Mad Men" - Yes, it's a good show. Yes, it's a period piece. Yes, it's well crafted and Jon Hamm does his job quite well, but...it doesn't have to be mentioned in every television review. Some things simply aren't about "Mad Men"!
2. "Breaking Bad" - Yes, the show about the chemistry teacher facing terminal cancer who starts cooking and selling meth to make sure his family is secure -- it's good. Very good. But not every actor trying to create a complex character has to be compared to Bryan Cranston. Face it. The dude has only had one seriously memorable role and it's this one! One out of one is a perfect record but it's not a winning streak just yet.
3. "The Kardashians" - people use the Kardashians when they hate a show and they want to compare it to something silly. They also use the Kardashians when they like a show and they want to show that it's nothing like the Kardashians. Find another show to use for comparing and contrasting. Get a remote control, why don'tcha, and use it!
4. "Saturday Night Live" skits/shorts - Saturday Night Live is not good. Period. It hasn't been good for decades and everybody knows it. It's got name recognition but, really, it's mostly un-funny. There's no need to be mentioning this relic and trying to make something so obviously irrelevant seem relevant to any discussion. It's not relevant.
5. The Sopranos - Oh I get so sick of hearing about Tony Soprano. You could be watching one of those reality shows about marrying a bachelorette or something and a critic will find a way to compare a contestant to a mobster on the Sopranos. Forget about it, eh?
Peace & Commercialism!
If "Dallas" is back...(Part Two)
Previously on Speakerbloggg/The List Below....
QBH posted a slice of nostalgia concerning the TV Show "Dallas" and its return to primetime on TNT Network. QBH recounted the pillaging of the 1970s and 1980s for numerous remakes and reboots and reworkings. The question then became: with all those remakes, it makes sense to remake "Dallas"; but if "Dallas" gets a remake then...
That was the cliffhanger from the previous blog post. In this post, we will find the answer.
But first, here are two things I loved about "Dallas":
1. J.R. Ewing. I'd like to say I really dug this guy for the reasons everybody else, including my mama, dug him: because he was charming and ruthless and liked to outsmart people and always had the best lines on the show. Me? Not so much. I just liked the fact that he was rich. Actually, all the characters on the show were basically rich. Even the dude who was a ranch hand turned out to be a qua-trillionaire, right? Good gracious. "Cash Rules Everything Around Me," shouts J.R. "Cream, get the money. Dolla, dolla bill y'all."
2. The fights. These people might be rich, but they can definitely throw down in a fist fight. Barroom brawls, fist fights in tuxedos, choking folks in swimming pools -- Biggie Smalls explained it many years later, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems".
And now, the return to our regularly scheduled "Dallas" cliffhanger. Oh, yes. We wanted to know this: with so much remaking going on, it makes sense to bring back "Dallas". But if we bring back "Dallas", then what...(stay tuned for Part Three)
Peace & Pamela Barnes Ewing!
QBH posted a slice of nostalgia concerning the TV Show "Dallas" and its return to primetime on TNT Network. QBH recounted the pillaging of the 1970s and 1980s for numerous remakes and reboots and reworkings. The question then became: with all those remakes, it makes sense to remake "Dallas"; but if "Dallas" gets a remake then...
That was the cliffhanger from the previous blog post. In this post, we will find the answer.
But first, here are two things I loved about "Dallas":
1. J.R. Ewing. I'd like to say I really dug this guy for the reasons everybody else, including my mama, dug him: because he was charming and ruthless and liked to outsmart people and always had the best lines on the show. Me? Not so much. I just liked the fact that he was rich. Actually, all the characters on the show were basically rich. Even the dude who was a ranch hand turned out to be a qua-trillionaire, right? Good gracious. "Cash Rules Everything Around Me," shouts J.R. "Cream, get the money. Dolla, dolla bill y'all."
2. The fights. These people might be rich, but they can definitely throw down in a fist fight. Barroom brawls, fist fights in tuxedos, choking folks in swimming pools -- Biggie Smalls explained it many years later, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems".
And now, the return to our regularly scheduled "Dallas" cliffhanger. Oh, yes. We wanted to know this: with so much remaking going on, it makes sense to bring back "Dallas". But if we bring back "Dallas", then what...(stay tuned for Part Three)
Peace & Pamela Barnes Ewing!
If "Dallas" is back... Part One
So...TNT, the TV Network, ordered a reboot of the Nighttime Soap Opera Titan, "Dallas". From 1978 to the early '90s, "Dallas" was a knockout of a show, a pop culture force, and an iconic social touch stone. "Dallas" starred Larry Hagman as "J.R. Ewing", a ruthless oil tycoon who was crafty and smug and all kinds of charming but vulnerable as he sought to please his father "Jock", appease his moralistic mama "Miss Ellie", and get the better of his brothers -- especially the hunky and stubborn "Bobby Ewing" (Patrick Duffy). J.R. Ewing was the King of the Dirty Deal, a born double crosser who would stab you in the front if doing so would make him more money than stabbing you in the back. And we loved him for it because Larry Hagman was just so dag-gum good at it. His foxy smirk told you he just ate all the birds in your hen house, but you didn't care because it was so entertaining to watch him do it.
The "Dallas" reboot is fun for reminiscing purposes as it seeks to bring in a new generation of Ewings. J.R.'s son "John Ross" goes up against Bobby's adopted son "Christopher", and I guess there are some young women involved but they don't seem to have much of a personality so we'll have to see how that pans out. But, for the time being, it seems everything from the 1970s and 1980s is being pillaged for retreads and reworkings ad nauseum. Is nothing sacred? Is there no end to this madness of pillaging the childhoods of every boy and girl who grew up in the Reagan Era? Not that the new "Dallas" sux, but here's a list of some of the nonsense we've seen thus far, in no particular order because they are all equally nonsensical:
1. Transformers: I don't dig it because you can't get a good look at the robots transforming. That's what was cool in the cartoon, and I say if you're going to use CGI and blue screens and all sorts of computer graphics and animation, then you ought to be able to show us the transforming in a better way than just clicking and whirrrr sounds and close-ups of randomly shifting and grinding metal body parts.
2. Scooby Doo: Yeah, they did that $h!t. As a feature film too! Spike Lee must've been somewhere cursing about this when that film came out.
3. Spiderman: Not really a bad movie, in my opinion. I actually like the action sequences, even when it's clearly computer generated.
4. The Hulk: No. Just, no.
5. The Fantastic Four: No. Just, no. They are really digging into our cartoons.
6. Batman: I like the Tim Burton one with Michael Keaton. I don't like any of the others until you get to Christopher Nolan's take on the Dark Knight. I will, however, say that Jim Carrey's turn as the Riddler in one of those movies that should have been something much more special than it was. Carrey seemed perfect for the role, but it just didn't come off.
7. X-Men: Dang. What's up with all these comic book characters getting the Lazarus treatment? These X-Men movies are just whatever.
If stuff like this is being brought back, then I see why people think it would be cool to bring back "Dallas". But if "Dallas" is back, then...(On to Part Two)
Peace & Nostalgia
Monday, June 11, 2012
Beware the cliches people say...
People tend to repeat a whole lot of superfluous and unnecessary crap. It's unreal, really. No doubt there are many times when whole conversations are taking place without a single original thought. Here are 5 clichés along with my responses.
1. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger": Really? Aren't there some things that will make me weaker, even if I manage not to die? And who says that dying won't make me stronger? Or what if I kill? What happens then? Does attempted murder make the intended victim stronger? What are the rules for that, huh?
2. "Do your best": The motto of someone who measures success by win-loss ratios. I'm so happy to be reminded to do my best. I was planning on doing my worst until you came along with this new strategy. Thanks a bunch.
3. "Time waits for no one": Well, duh.
4. "Well, there's always tomorrow": How is it possible that there is always tomorrow if time waits for no one? Also, Little Orphan Annie claims tomorrow is always a day away, so maybe I'm just confused.
5. "If I had a nickel for every time...": Who in the world is giving out money every time you do something? Dang. Nice work if you can get it.
Down with cliches!
Peace & don't count your chickens!
1. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger": Really? Aren't there some things that will make me weaker, even if I manage not to die? And who says that dying won't make me stronger? Or what if I kill? What happens then? Does attempted murder make the intended victim stronger? What are the rules for that, huh?
2. "Do your best": The motto of someone who measures success by win-loss ratios. I'm so happy to be reminded to do my best. I was planning on doing my worst until you came along with this new strategy. Thanks a bunch.
3. "Time waits for no one": Well, duh.
4. "Well, there's always tomorrow": How is it possible that there is always tomorrow if time waits for no one? Also, Little Orphan Annie claims tomorrow is always a day away, so maybe I'm just confused.
5. "If I had a nickel for every time...": Who in the world is giving out money every time you do something? Dang. Nice work if you can get it.
Down with cliches!
Peace & don't count your chickens!
The Shocking Truth About Rap Music
Rap has been around since the late-70s, and arguably earlier. As such, people think they know everything there is to know about it. But guess what? You don't. Here are a few truths about rap that you should consider, whether you are a diehard vet of the hip hop culture or a complete hater:
1. Rap music has brought critical issues to the fore and sparked important public debate about police brutality, classism, xenophobia, sexual and domestic abuse, foreign policy, health care and holistic living, marriage, sexual politics, misogyny, and so much more. You don't want to admit that, then you ignore historical fact.
2. Rap music paradoxically tries to nullify the negative aspects of society while speaking the language of that society. It builds as it tears down, it perpetuates even when it destroys. It follows a blueprint that it concurrently rips to shreds. It exhibits an intelligent sort of ignorance that is both astonishing in its freshness and appalling in its execution.
3. There are too many members and affiliates in the Wu-Tang Clan. There. I said it. Somebody had to. Everybody keeps pretending they know these guys. Nah. You know Method Man, and that's about it. You wouldn't know Inspectah Deck from Inspecter Gadget.
4. Rap is a democratic institution, meaning it is run "by the people, for the people". You don't need to be able to sing or play a traditional instrument, although some rappers can sing just fine and denying that drum machines and samplers are "instruments" is one of modern society's greatest crimes against art. This freedom of creation makes rap unique. It also makes it so that there aren't really any rules to it, except those imposed by the demanding and fickle participants of the genre/culture.
5. It's really good, when it's really good.
deal with it.
Peace & Grandmaster Flash.
1. Rap music has brought critical issues to the fore and sparked important public debate about police brutality, classism, xenophobia, sexual and domestic abuse, foreign policy, health care and holistic living, marriage, sexual politics, misogyny, and so much more. You don't want to admit that, then you ignore historical fact.
2. Rap music paradoxically tries to nullify the negative aspects of society while speaking the language of that society. It builds as it tears down, it perpetuates even when it destroys. It follows a blueprint that it concurrently rips to shreds. It exhibits an intelligent sort of ignorance that is both astonishing in its freshness and appalling in its execution.
3. There are too many members and affiliates in the Wu-Tang Clan. There. I said it. Somebody had to. Everybody keeps pretending they know these guys. Nah. You know Method Man, and that's about it. You wouldn't know Inspectah Deck from Inspecter Gadget.
4. Rap is a democratic institution, meaning it is run "by the people, for the people". You don't need to be able to sing or play a traditional instrument, although some rappers can sing just fine and denying that drum machines and samplers are "instruments" is one of modern society's greatest crimes against art. This freedom of creation makes rap unique. It also makes it so that there aren't really any rules to it, except those imposed by the demanding and fickle participants of the genre/culture.
5. It's really good, when it's really good.
deal with it.
Peace & Grandmaster Flash.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Top 7 Madonna Songs
Yo, if you don't dig Madonna there is something wrong with you. Okay, actually, it's perfectly fine not to dig Madonna because, for reals, the sista is a little on tilt. However, you cannot possibly deny her impact on global pop culture. So, in honor of Madge, the list below highlights my top 7 Madonna tunes. These change for me all the time, since the lady's got sooooooo many good sawngs. I am critical of the earlier work, largely because she sounded like a chipmunk. Here goes:
1. Papa Don't Preach: this song is about a pregnant daughter's plea to her father, right? Sometimes it seems like she's just talking about keeping her boyfriend (shrug). Pure genius.
2. Gone: from the "Music" album, and always overlooked. So melancholy. So sad. So me.
3. Live to Tell: you know how good this song is, so don't even try to pretend otherwise.
4. Vogue: it's that sassy little name dropping rap that seals it for me.
5. Justify My Love: Madonna, I want to kiss you in Paris, too. Cross country. In a rain storm. In Rome. So now what? So now what?
6. Don't Tell Me: take the black off a crow! She says this and I'm not even mad.
7. Nothing Really Matters: melancholy over a happy beat. Gotta love it.
Peace & blissful listening to the Material Girl!
1. Papa Don't Preach: this song is about a pregnant daughter's plea to her father, right? Sometimes it seems like she's just talking about keeping her boyfriend (shrug). Pure genius.
2. Gone: from the "Music" album, and always overlooked. So melancholy. So sad. So me.
3. Live to Tell: you know how good this song is, so don't even try to pretend otherwise.
4. Vogue: it's that sassy little name dropping rap that seals it for me.
5. Justify My Love: Madonna, I want to kiss you in Paris, too. Cross country. In a rain storm. In Rome. So now what? So now what?
6. Don't Tell Me: take the black off a crow! She says this and I'm not even mad.
7. Nothing Really Matters: melancholy over a happy beat. Gotta love it.
Peace & blissful listening to the Material Girl!
Why it is so cool to be blogging again...
This blog is back and dagnabit it's a beautiful thing. Here is why:
1. The world has turned me into a super villain which means I have lists galore that are out of this effing world. You don't wanna miss that.
2. The world looks better when you view it through the lens of a list. So orderly, so clear, so organized. Ahhhhh. So lovely and pleasing to the eye.
3. You need a good solid list on your life. Everybody does. It is the 11th commandment, which is unwritten because it is implied by the fact that the Ten Commandments are written explicitly in list form.
4. I have new and improved $h!t to say. Deal with that. Last year was amateur hour, kid. We are doing it big in the Year of the 12.
5. This blog rules. Don't hate.
Peace and welcome back.
1. The world has turned me into a super villain which means I have lists galore that are out of this effing world. You don't wanna miss that.
2. The world looks better when you view it through the lens of a list. So orderly, so clear, so organized. Ahhhhh. So lovely and pleasing to the eye.
3. You need a good solid list on your life. Everybody does. It is the 11th commandment, which is unwritten because it is implied by the fact that the Ten Commandments are written explicitly in list form.
4. I have new and improved $h!t to say. Deal with that. Last year was amateur hour, kid. We are doing it big in the Year of the 12.
5. This blog rules. Don't hate.
Peace and welcome back.
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