Birthday of Prince Rogers Nelson (Part 1)

Now, as everyone who knows me can attest, I am a fanatic for one Mr. Prince Rogers Nelson and his music. Correction. I am a fanatic for his music. I'm afraid if I ever met the musician, I might not like him. In fact, I'm always afraid of this when it comes to celebrities, mainly because it seems like every celebrity I actually meet finds a way to behave like a jerk. Two exceptions would be hip-hop producer 9th Wonder, who is awesome and extremely down to earth, and Kim Fields, who played "Tootie" on The Facts of Life sitcom. So there's that.

Anyhoo, I love Prince's music. Since I refuse to get wrapped up in the man himself, I do acknowledge his birthday at the beginning of June (the 7th), but I find it useful to celebrate when I get good and ready, as long as I observe it in June. Prince's music is quite fascinating. One thing I've noticed about it, that I don't think I've heard anybody mention, is that Prince's albums usually have a song making reference to a specific person. Sometimes the person is named directly, as in "Darling Nikki". Sometimes the name is implied or the person is referred to by what they do "Lady Cab Driver" or who they are "Baby".

The list below shows the Prince album, followed by the person referenced by a song on the album. Explanations and commentary only where needed:

1. For You (1978). Song: "Baby": "Baby, what are we gonna do?" Young parents worried about having a baby, but the lyrics are also written so that the speaker could be addressing the baby directly.

2. Prince (1979). Song: "Bambi": Bambi cheated on the narrator with another woman. "Bambi, can't you understand? / Bambi, it's better with a man". Oh, apparently not.

3. Dirty Mind (1980). Song: "Sister": So...there seems to be some inappropriate intimacy happening here.

4. Controversy (1981). Songs: "Ronnie, Talk to Russia", "Annie Christian". Obviously, "Ronnie" references President Ronald Reagan and the song goes didactic over the cold war with Russia. "Annie Christian" seems to be a composite of all things that are "anti-Christian", so it's a play on words.

5. 1999 (1982). Song: "Lady Cab Driver". Why Prince likes taxi cabs so much is beyond me. He mentioned living in taxi cabs in "Annie Christian" on the last album. Weird.

6. Purple Rain (1984). Song: "Darling Nikki". Okay, Nikki was a superfreak (with all due respect to Rick James).

...To be continued...

Peace & Princely funk!

Dallas is back (part 3)

And finally, at long last, we may have an answer to our query, with no commercial interruptions I might add. So here's the query: if Dallas is getting a remake, with the reboot treatment, then what other unholy relic should we resurrect? I have some ideas, in the list below:




1. Dynasty: if JR Ewing was the man you loved to hate, Joan Collins's "Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Etc" was the woman you loved to hate to love to hate. A total B-word, that's the way she was marketed in the '80s. It's another oil tycoon show, which makes it a little outdated by today's concerns and probably a little old fashioned, but the cat fights and bickering never get old. I find the show remarkable for three reasons. One, if I remember correctly, was the show's inclusion of a gay character, which is not common for the decade. And two, Prince mentioned the show in his song "Kiss": "You don't have to watch Dynasty / to have an attitude." Third: Heather Locklear.

2. Falcon Crest: Yo, a family with a fortune built on cultivating wine? Great, just stay

away from another oil plot and I am happy as a clam bake. This show gave us Lorenzo Lamas, which is a downer, and I don't remember it being too big on eye candy, but that can be easily remedied. Give it the reboot!

3. The Love Boat: Has this not been tried? Or re-tried? People taking a cruise and finding love or rekindling love largely because they are trapped on the boat and either have to be miserable or figure out how to work out their issues? Yeah, I might watch that.



4. Guiding Light: yes, I realize this was a daytime soap that has been cancelled, but they ought to reboot it for nighttime! That would be crazy, and it would totally work. Just make sure you have the old faithfuls in the Spaulding family, the Lewis clan, and of course the queen diva Reva Shayne, and it's gotta be a hit.

Four relics would be quite enough, considering what's been done already. Geez.

Peace and soap operas!

Overrated-ness (A Commercial Break from "Dallas")

Some things are simply overrated, and the Internet has a way of exaggerating things at an exponential level and rate. It's weird that this happens because the Internet potentially touches so many otherwise disconnected people that it is championed as a bastion of community and diversity. Yet, there are still things "trending", still a sort of "consensus", still a groundswell of mainstream mentality. Even on the Net. Funny too that the Internet has a tendency to blow things out of proportion relative to the old school socializing medium known as television. In other words, television used to be our socializing agent; now, it's the Internet. But when the Internet refers to television, it blows some things out of proportion. Here's a list of things I wish people would stop talking about and trying to stuff into the discourse when the topic is television.

1. "Mad Men" - Yes, it's a good show. Yes, it's a period piece. Yes, it's well crafted and Jon Hamm does his job quite well, but...it doesn't have to be mentioned in every television review. Some things simply aren't about "Mad Men"!

2. "Breaking Bad" - Yes, the show about the chemistry teacher facing terminal cancer who starts cooking and selling meth to make sure his family is secure -- it's good. Very good. But not every actor trying to create a complex character has to be compared to Bryan Cranston. Face it. The dude has only had one seriously memorable role and it's this one! One out of one is a perfect record but it's not a winning streak just yet.

3. "The Kardashians" - people use the Kardashians when they hate a show and they want to compare it to something silly. They also use the Kardashians when they like a show and they want to show that it's nothing like the Kardashians. Find another show to use for comparing and contrasting. Get a remote control, why don'tcha, and use it!

4. "Saturday Night Live" skits/shorts - Saturday Night Live is not good. Period. It hasn't been good for decades and everybody knows it. It's got name recognition but, really, it's mostly un-funny. There's no need to be mentioning this relic and trying to make something so obviously irrelevant seem relevant to any discussion. It's not relevant.

5. The Sopranos - Oh I get so sick of hearing about Tony Soprano. You could be watching one of those reality shows about marrying a bachelorette or something and a critic will find a way to compare a contestant to a mobster on the Sopranos. Forget about it, eh?

Peace & Commercialism!

If "Dallas" is back...(Part Two)

Previously on Speakerbloggg/The List Below....

QBH posted a slice of nostalgia concerning the TV Show "Dallas" and its return to primetime on TNT Network. QBH recounted the pillaging of the 1970s and 1980s for numerous remakes and reboots and reworkings. The question then became: with all those remakes, it makes sense to remake "Dallas"; but if "Dallas" gets a remake then...

That was the cliffhanger from the previous blog post. In this post, we will find the answer.

But first, here are two things I loved about "Dallas":

1. J.R. Ewing. I'd like to say I really dug this guy for the reasons everybody else, including my mama, dug him: because he was charming and ruthless and liked to outsmart people and always had the best lines on the show. Me? Not so much. I just liked the fact that he was rich. Actually, all the characters on the show were basically rich. Even the dude who was a ranch hand turned out to be a qua-trillionaire, right? Good gracious. "Cash Rules Everything Around Me," shouts J.R. "Cream, get the money. Dolla, dolla bill y'all."

2. The fights. These people might be rich, but they can definitely throw down in a fist fight. Barroom brawls, fist fights in tuxedos, choking folks in swimming pools -- Biggie Smalls explained it many years later, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems".



And now, the return to our regularly scheduled "Dallas" cliffhanger. Oh, yes. We wanted to know this: with so much remaking going on, it makes sense to bring back "Dallas". But if we bring back "Dallas", then what...(stay tuned for Part Three)

Peace & Pamela Barnes Ewing!

If "Dallas" is back... Part One

So...TNT, the TV Network, ordered a reboot of the Nighttime Soap Opera Titan, "Dallas". From 1978 to the early '90s, "Dallas" was a knockout of a show, a pop culture force, and an iconic social touch stone. "Dallas" starred Larry Hagman as "J.R. Ewing", a ruthless oil tycoon who was crafty and smug and all kinds of charming but vulnerable as he sought to please his father "Jock", appease his moralistic mama "Miss Ellie", and get the better of his brothers -- especially the hunky and stubborn "Bobby Ewing" (Patrick Duffy). J.R. Ewing was the King of the Dirty Deal, a born double crosser who would stab you in the front if doing so would make him more money than stabbing you in the back. And we loved him for it because Larry Hagman was just so dag-gum good at it. His foxy smirk told you he just ate all the birds in your hen house, but you didn't care because it was so entertaining to watch him do it.



The "Dallas" reboot is fun for reminiscing purposes as it seeks to bring in a new generation of Ewings. J.R.'s son "John Ross" goes up against Bobby's adopted son "Christopher", and I guess there are some young women involved but they don't seem to have much of a personality so we'll have to see how that pans out. But, for the time being, it seems everything from the 1970s and 1980s is being pillaged for retreads and reworkings ad nauseum. Is nothing sacred? Is there no end to this madness of pillaging the childhoods of every boy and girl who grew up in the Reagan Era? Not that the new "Dallas" sux, but here's a list of some of the nonsense we've seen thus far, in no particular order because they are all equally nonsensical:

1. Transformers: I don't dig it because you can't get a good look at the robots transforming. That's what was cool in the cartoon, and I say if you're going to use CGI and blue screens and all sorts of computer graphics and animation, then you ought to be able to show us the transforming in a better way than just clicking and whirrrr sounds and close-ups of randomly shifting and grinding metal body parts.

2. Scooby Doo: Yeah, they did that $h!t. As a feature film too! Spike Lee must've been somewhere cursing about this when that film came out.

3. Spiderman: Not really a bad movie, in my opinion. I actually like the action sequences, even when it's clearly computer generated.

4. The Hulk: No. Just, no.

5. The Fantastic Four: No. Just, no. They are really digging into our cartoons.

6. Batman: I like the Tim Burton one with Michael Keaton. I don't like any of the others until you get to Christopher Nolan's take on the Dark Knight. I will, however, say that Jim Carrey's turn as the Riddler in one of those movies that should have been something much more special than it was. Carrey seemed perfect for the role, but it just didn't come off.

7. X-Men: Dang. What's up with all these comic book characters getting the Lazarus treatment? These X-Men movies are just whatever.

If stuff like this is being brought back, then I see why people think it would be cool to bring back "Dallas". But if "Dallas" is back, then...(On to Part Two)

Peace & Nostalgia

Beware the cliches people say...

People tend to repeat a whole lot of superfluous and unnecessary crap. It's unreal, really. No doubt there are many times when whole conversations are taking place without a single original thought. Here are 5 clichés along with my responses.

1. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger": Really? Aren't there some things that will make me weaker, even if I manage not to die? And who says that dying won't make me stronger? Or what if I kill? What happens then? Does attempted murder make the intended victim stronger? What are the rules for that, huh?

2. "Do your best": The motto of someone who measures success by win-loss ratios. I'm so happy to be reminded to do my best. I was planning on doing my worst until you came along with this new strategy. Thanks a bunch.

3. "Time waits for no one": Well, duh.

4. "Well, there's always tomorrow": How is it possible that there is always tomorrow if time waits for no one? Also, Little Orphan Annie claims tomorrow is always a day away, so maybe I'm just confused.

5. "If I had a nickel for every time...": Who in the world is giving out money every time you do something? Dang. Nice work if you can get it.

Down with cliches!

Peace & don't count your chickens!

The Shocking Truth About Rap Music

Rap has been around since the late-70s, and arguably earlier. As such, people think they know everything there is to know about it. But guess what? You don't. Here are a few truths about rap that you should consider, whether you are a diehard vet of the hip hop culture or a complete hater:

1. Rap music has brought critical issues to the fore and sparked important public debate about police brutality, classism, xenophobia, sexual and domestic abuse, foreign policy, health care and holistic living, marriage, sexual politics, misogyny, and so much more. You don't want to admit that, then you ignore historical fact.

2. Rap music paradoxically tries to nullify the negative aspects of society while speaking the language of that society. It builds as it tears down, it perpetuates even when it destroys. It follows a blueprint that it concurrently rips to shreds. It exhibits an intelligent sort of ignorance that is both astonishing in its freshness and appalling in its execution.

3. There are too many members and affiliates in the Wu-Tang Clan. There. I said it. Somebody had to. Everybody keeps pretending they know these guys. Nah. You know Method Man, and that's about it. You wouldn't know Inspectah Deck from Inspecter Gadget.

4. Rap is a democratic institution, meaning it is run "by the people, for the people". You don't need to be able to sing or play a traditional instrument, although some rappers can sing just fine and denying that drum machines and samplers are "instruments" is one of modern society's greatest crimes against art. This freedom of creation makes rap unique. It also makes it so that there aren't really any rules to it, except those imposed by the demanding and fickle participants of the genre/culture.

5. It's really good, when it's really good.

deal with it.

Peace & Grandmaster Flash.

Top 7 Madonna Songs

Yo, if you don't dig Madonna there is something wrong with you. Okay, actually, it's perfectly fine not to dig Madonna because, for reals, the sista is a little on tilt. However, you cannot possibly deny her impact on global pop culture. So, in honor of Madge, the list below highlights my top 7 Madonna tunes. These change for me all the time, since the lady's got sooooooo many good sawngs. I am critical of the earlier work, largely because she sounded like a chipmunk. Here goes:

1. Papa Don't Preach: this song is about a pregnant daughter's plea to her father, right? Sometimes it seems like she's just talking about keeping her boyfriend (shrug). Pure genius.

2. Gone: from the "Music" album, and always overlooked. So melancholy. So sad. So me.

3. Live to Tell: you know how good this song is, so don't even try to pretend otherwise.

4. Vogue: it's that sassy little name dropping rap that seals it for me.

5. Justify My Love: Madonna, I want to kiss you in Paris, too. Cross country. In a rain storm. In Rome. So now what? So now what?

6. Don't Tell Me: take the black off a crow! She says this and I'm not even mad.

7. Nothing Really Matters: melancholy over a happy beat. Gotta love it.

Peace & blissful listening to the Material Girl!

Why it is so cool to be blogging again...

This blog is back and dagnabit it's a beautiful thing. Here is why:

1. The world has turned me into a super villain which means I have lists galore that are out of this effing world. You don't wanna miss that.

2. The world looks better when you view it through the lens of a list. So orderly, so clear, so organized. Ahhhhh. So lovely and pleasing to the eye.

3. You need a good solid list on your life. Everybody does. It is the 11th commandment, which is unwritten because it is implied by the fact that the Ten Commandments are written explicitly in list form.

4. I have new and improved $h!t to say. Deal with that. Last year was amateur hour, kid. We are doing it big in the Year of the 12.

5. This blog rules. Don't hate.

Peace and welcome back.