The Worst Things About Summer

Once upon a time, there was a season called Summer, and it was a very very good season indeed. It was a time for fun and frolic, a time when relatives would come together for reunions or birthdays, a time when brides would look forward to weddings, and a time when the world in general seemed at peace. Now? Utopia has collapsed. Somebody paved paradise and put up a Wal-Mart! It is so not fun. Why? Because Summer has developed a few weaknesses that make it a more difficult season than it used to be, especially compared to the relative spike in popularity of Spring, Autumn, and Winter.

The list below explains a few of the reasons why Summer blows:

1. It's too hot. I don't know if it's global warming or an ozone eating virus eating away at the atmosphere or what, but it's just too hot. That's all there is to it. I don't get it. People are passing out, getting sick, and having all sorts of health problems. It's too hot. Knock it off, Sun. You've made your point. We get it. You're hot.

2. The Power goes out. Seriously, it never fails. As soon as it gets hot, the power companies decide they can't compete with the heat in terms of air conditioning and fans and all that jazz, so they wimp out and lose power. Oh, sure, they'll say there was a traffic accident that caused the problem or they just had a general maintenance issue, but basically they don't want you to know that they can't handle their business because then they know people will get disgruntled. So they act like they had some random, freakish incident that blew the power. When the power comes back on, people will be too grateful (and drained of energy) to complain. Get you energy game up, Power Companies. We're on to you.

3. Your kids are in my camp. Well, I don't run ALL camps. But you know what I mean. Parents are like, "Oh, snap, my kid isn't in school right now, and I don't know what to do with this brat. I'm not gonna let Timmy/Jenny ruin my summer. I'll put them in camp!" And that's how a parent transforms their own crappy summer into someone else's crappy summer. Voila! Besides my general disdain for other people's offspring, you ought to know that your kids are as obnoxious when you're not around as they are when you're standing next to them. Get your parenting game up, y'all. For real.

4. It's too short. As much as I hate the hotness of it, and as sick as I am of your children, you've got to admit it would be nice if this season could be longer (and perhaps a few degrees cooler).

Peace & Humidity!