So...TNT, the TV Network, ordered a reboot of the Nighttime Soap Opera Titan, "Dallas". From 1978 to the early '90s, "Dallas" was a knockout of a show, a pop culture force, and an iconic social touch stone. "Dallas" starred Larry Hagman as "J.R. Ewing", a ruthless oil tycoon who was crafty and smug and all kinds of charming but vulnerable as he sought to please his father "Jock", appease his moralistic mama "Miss Ellie", and get the better of his brothers -- especially the hunky and stubborn "Bobby Ewing" (Patrick Duffy). J.R. Ewing was the King of the Dirty Deal, a born double crosser who would stab you in the front if doing so would make him more money than stabbing you in the back. And we loved him for it because Larry Hagman was just so dag-gum good at it. His foxy smirk told you he just ate all the birds in your hen house, but you didn't care because it was so entertaining to watch him do it.
The "Dallas" reboot is fun for reminiscing purposes as it seeks to bring in a new generation of Ewings. J.R.'s son "John Ross" goes up against Bobby's adopted son "Christopher", and I guess there are some young women involved but they don't seem to have much of a personality so we'll have to see how that pans out. But, for the time being, it seems everything from the 1970s and 1980s is being pillaged for retreads and reworkings ad nauseum. Is nothing sacred? Is there no end to this madness of pillaging the childhoods of every boy and girl who grew up in the Reagan Era? Not that the new "Dallas" sux, but here's a list of some of the nonsense we've seen thus far, in no particular order because they are all equally nonsensical:
1. Transformers: I don't dig it because you can't get a good look at the robots transforming. That's what was cool in the cartoon, and I say if you're going to use CGI and blue screens and all sorts of computer graphics and animation, then you ought to be able to show us the transforming in a better way than just clicking and whirrrr sounds and close-ups of randomly shifting and grinding metal body parts.
2. Scooby Doo: Yeah, they did that $h!t. As a feature film too! Spike Lee must've been somewhere cursing about this when that film came out.
3. Spiderman: Not really a bad movie, in my opinion. I actually like the action sequences, even when it's clearly computer generated.
4. The Hulk: No. Just, no.
5. The Fantastic Four: No. Just, no. They are really digging into our cartoons.
6. Batman: I like the Tim Burton one with Michael Keaton. I don't like any of the others until you get to Christopher Nolan's take on the Dark Knight. I will, however, say that Jim Carrey's turn as the Riddler in one of those movies that should have been something much more special than it was. Carrey seemed perfect for the role, but it just didn't come off.
7. X-Men: Dang. What's up with all these comic book characters getting the Lazarus treatment? These X-Men movies are just whatever.
If stuff like this is being brought back, then I see why people think it would be cool to bring back "Dallas". But if "Dallas" is back, then...(On to Part Two)
Peace & Nostalgia
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