Lately, I've become fascinated with yodeling. In music, that is. I promise you, I don't go around yodeling. So check this out -- yodeling, or some facsimile thereof, exists and it's never going away. Here are a few of my favorite yodelers, in the list below, but in no real order other than convenience:
1. Rihanna: Wow, now that girl can yodel. Her voice always sounds super-processed, a little robotic, a little off-kilter, like she's yodeling right below or right above the note she's supposed to be hitting, but that's kind of what makes it work. She's almost made a whole style out of yodeling. Songs that show her getting her yodel on: "Umbrella" (ella)(ella)(ella), "Live Your Life" (yea-ay-yeah-ay-ee-ay), "Run This Town".
2. Joan Osborne: This lady is awesome, and has a great voice. She can also get her yodel on. Listen to her in "Pensacola".
3. Tina Turner: No, she's not known for yodeling. She's known for her dancing -- and really her legs if we're getting right to the heart of it. But check out her yodel in "I Can't Stand the Rain". That's a yodel.
4. Joni Mitchell: Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til you yodel? When it comes to anything voice-related, Joni Mitchell is only making the list for her pre-gravel-gargling output. (Holy s*!t what happened to her voice?!). She's not as big of a yodeler as, say, Rihanna -- but there's a little warble in there that fits the bill. Try "Big Yellow Taxi".
5. Sarah McLachlan - This lady is a damn fine musician and a heck of a singer. She gets unfairly criticized, in some circles, kind of like how Barry Manilow gets a bad rap for some reason. When you have as many hits as Barry Manilow, then you get to criticize him, okay? Sarah McLachlan's voice is a thing of beauty. But sometimes I feel like she's getting her yodel on.
6. Gwen Stefani - The No Doubt front woman isn't normally a yodeler, but she went for the yodeling gusto on her second solo joint. Try this: "Wind It Up".
Peace & Happy yodeling!!!!
Showing posts with label list below. Show all posts
Showing posts with label list below. Show all posts
Friday, December 10, 2010
Post View Tuesdays
Last Tuesday (December 7, 2010) - "Last Tuesday" is what you get when I keep missing the preview for the upcoming Tuesday. Anyhoo, here are the albums that came out last week that I totally didn't see coming, or I saw coming but totally didn't mention that I saw coming, in which case it just looks like I didn't see it coming even though I totally did...
1. Natasha Bedingfield, "Strip Me" - Wow, what a title! It's not what you think, though. The title track, and the video that goes with it, don't speak to anything salacious. It's more about seeing the person underneath the trappings of life - materialism, role playing, and the like. I am totally on board with Bedingfield's voice. I'm not quite on board with the production that I've heard so far. But I've only heard the title track. Hopefully, the rest of the album isn't as generic and nondescript as that track.
2. Daft Punk, "Tron Legacy" - This is the soundtrack to the movie based on the old Tron stuff from the '80s. I'm excited about Daft Punk doing anything. I'm not so excited about the movie. Seems like yet another way to cash in on ideas that have already been sold a few times in the past. There was a Tron movie, I think, back in the day, with merchandise to go along with it. Now here it comes again. It's like detergent. You get the original detergent. Then they come out with the lemon scented kind. Then there's the detergent that has fabric softener added to it. Then they sell you the one with a color safe bleach. Then they sell you another type in a goofy-shaped bottle. Then they sell it to you in individual sizes or family sizes. Then they have one that has a festive, holiday scent, like fresh pine cones. On and on...But Daft Punk - yeah, dig them.
3. Deadmau5, "4x4=12" - Basically, it's like this: Joel Zimmerman, a Canadian DJ, is dropping a DJ-album. That *should* mean it's going to be built around previously released tracks, probably from other artists, and they will flow together in an interesting mix. Which *should* mean you can dance to it. Which *should* mean that sequence and mood and tempo will be paramount. Which *should* mean some thought will have gone into it. Which *should* mean it's not slapped together. Which *should* mean you'll dig it. But maybe not.
4. Duffy, "Endlessly" - Duffy is the blond and Welsh singer who is delivering her second album. Gotta admit, I didn't love her first one, but it wasn't because the songs weren't well written or well executed. I actually thought they were. I'm not a fan of her voice is all. It's a little too sandpapery and squeaky for my delicate ears. I don't see her voice changing much for the second album, so I don't think I'll be a fan. Her style often gets lumped into the same category as Amy Winehouse, although I'm not totally convinced the comparisons are apt. What I am convinced of is that neither of these women should be bundled under the label "neo soul", and that's what a lot of critics are doing. Don't believe the hype.
5. T.I., "No Mercy" - I'm interested in this. I actually own a copy of this. I've only listened to three songs so far. What I heard, I liked a lot more than I expected to. Not because I dislike T.I.; I've grown to enjoy his style and even his southern accent. I just thought this album would sound a little rushed, but so far, so good. I might have to say more about this as I listen to it.
6. Hinder, "All American Nightmare" - I'm interested, but I'm not sure why.
7. Jessica Simpson, "Happy Christmas" - Jessica Simpson? Hmmm...okay. Christmas music? Bah, humbug.
8. Adam Lambert, "Acoustic Live!" EP - An idol from American Idol brings another release. I'm not really big on listening to American Idol contestants once they're done with the show, so I don't see myself getting into this. I'm not sure why I tie the singers so close to the show, but that's how it comes out. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I do, however, think Adam Lambert is talented.
9. Plain White T's, "Wonders of the Younger" - I'm completely not interested, but I'm not sure why.
10. Charlie Wilson, "Just Charlie" - Charlie Wilson was a member of the R&B-funk outfit The Gap Band. I dig the Gap Band tremendously. Charlie Wilson on his own? I like the idea that he is making music. I've even heard some of it. I've even kinda liked what I heard. But I'm always kind of "meh" about it. Can't figure out why. Wilson has done a great job keeping himself somewhat plugged in through hanging out with rappers and doing hooks for them and singing in the background on their records. Snoop seems to love him, so, yeah.
1. Natasha Bedingfield, "Strip Me" - Wow, what a title! It's not what you think, though. The title track, and the video that goes with it, don't speak to anything salacious. It's more about seeing the person underneath the trappings of life - materialism, role playing, and the like. I am totally on board with Bedingfield's voice. I'm not quite on board with the production that I've heard so far. But I've only heard the title track. Hopefully, the rest of the album isn't as generic and nondescript as that track.
2. Daft Punk, "Tron Legacy" - This is the soundtrack to the movie based on the old Tron stuff from the '80s. I'm excited about Daft Punk doing anything. I'm not so excited about the movie. Seems like yet another way to cash in on ideas that have already been sold a few times in the past. There was a Tron movie, I think, back in the day, with merchandise to go along with it. Now here it comes again. It's like detergent. You get the original detergent. Then they come out with the lemon scented kind. Then there's the detergent that has fabric softener added to it. Then they sell you the one with a color safe bleach. Then they sell you another type in a goofy-shaped bottle. Then they sell it to you in individual sizes or family sizes. Then they have one that has a festive, holiday scent, like fresh pine cones. On and on...But Daft Punk - yeah, dig them.
3. Deadmau5, "4x4=12" - Basically, it's like this: Joel Zimmerman, a Canadian DJ, is dropping a DJ-album. That *should* mean it's going to be built around previously released tracks, probably from other artists, and they will flow together in an interesting mix. Which *should* mean you can dance to it. Which *should* mean that sequence and mood and tempo will be paramount. Which *should* mean some thought will have gone into it. Which *should* mean it's not slapped together. Which *should* mean you'll dig it. But maybe not.
4. Duffy, "Endlessly" - Duffy is the blond and Welsh singer who is delivering her second album. Gotta admit, I didn't love her first one, but it wasn't because the songs weren't well written or well executed. I actually thought they were. I'm not a fan of her voice is all. It's a little too sandpapery and squeaky for my delicate ears. I don't see her voice changing much for the second album, so I don't think I'll be a fan. Her style often gets lumped into the same category as Amy Winehouse, although I'm not totally convinced the comparisons are apt. What I am convinced of is that neither of these women should be bundled under the label "neo soul", and that's what a lot of critics are doing. Don't believe the hype.
5. T.I., "No Mercy" - I'm interested in this. I actually own a copy of this. I've only listened to three songs so far. What I heard, I liked a lot more than I expected to. Not because I dislike T.I.; I've grown to enjoy his style and even his southern accent. I just thought this album would sound a little rushed, but so far, so good. I might have to say more about this as I listen to it.
6. Hinder, "All American Nightmare" - I'm interested, but I'm not sure why.
7. Jessica Simpson, "Happy Christmas" - Jessica Simpson? Hmmm...okay. Christmas music? Bah, humbug.
8. Adam Lambert, "Acoustic Live!" EP - An idol from American Idol brings another release. I'm not really big on listening to American Idol contestants once they're done with the show, so I don't see myself getting into this. I'm not sure why I tie the singers so close to the show, but that's how it comes out. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I do, however, think Adam Lambert is talented.
9. Plain White T's, "Wonders of the Younger" - I'm completely not interested, but I'm not sure why.
10. Charlie Wilson, "Just Charlie" - Charlie Wilson was a member of the R&B-funk outfit The Gap Band. I dig the Gap Band tremendously. Charlie Wilson on his own? I like the idea that he is making music. I've even heard some of it. I've even kinda liked what I heard. But I'm always kind of "meh" about it. Can't figure out why. Wilson has done a great job keeping himself somewhat plugged in through hanging out with rappers and doing hooks for them and singing in the background on their records. Snoop seems to love him, so, yeah.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Music I'm Enjoying A Lot Lately
To me, there's nothing better than great music. Music is my addiction, my inspiration. It keeps me going. Here are some albums I've been listening to a lot lately, in no particular order other than the fact that numbering them is a necessity:
1. Robyn: Body Talk pt 1, pt. 2, and pt. 3 - Robyn's "Body Talk" series is definitely kick@ss. She knows how to do this electro-pop thing (and acoustic pop and dance pop and pop-rap) in a way that sounds fresh. She released 3 parts this year, with some repetition of the first two parts on the 3rd release. That's okay, though, 'cause this is the digital age and if you get a little repetition, it's not a big deal, 'cause you can make your own CDs and playlists, as you see fit. Fun music, with paper cuts (that means "edge"). Songs I actually repeat: "Don't F*cking Tell Me What To Do", "Criminal Intent", "None of Dem", "Fembot", and "U Should Know Better".
2. The Dead Weather, Sea of Cowards - What's sick is that Jack White has a new fan (me!) and he doesn't know it -- and if he did know it, I don't think he'd care. Whatever, his side band The Dead Weather is my new addiction. Jack's on drums a lot, which is cool, but I dig the trade off on vocals between Jack and Alison Mosshart. Really cool dynamic. She rocks out as hard as P!nk pretends to (*smirk*). (And I like P!nk). Songs I actually repeat: "Blue Blood Blues", "Hustle & Cuss", "Gasoline".
3. k-os, The Anchorman Mixtape - This guy's a rapper-musician-singer-songwriter from Canada, and this free mixtape is really good. I totally dig it, all the way. It uses the movie "The Anchorman" as a theme, with snippets from the movie tacked to the beginning of the songs, but it's not irritating. What's awesome is the scope and breadth of the music. Is there anything k-os can't do? He's singing, he's doing rock, he's rapping, he's doing patois, he's popping popcorn, he's "The 5th Black Beatle" and "The Fourth Fugee". Songs I actually repeat. All of them. It goes by too quickly. [Download it]
More music later, but right now these are the ish.
Peace & Happy listenng...
1. Robyn: Body Talk pt 1, pt. 2, and pt. 3 - Robyn's "Body Talk" series is definitely kick@ss. She knows how to do this electro-pop thing (and acoustic pop and dance pop and pop-rap) in a way that sounds fresh. She released 3 parts this year, with some repetition of the first two parts on the 3rd release. That's okay, though, 'cause this is the digital age and if you get a little repetition, it's not a big deal, 'cause you can make your own CDs and playlists, as you see fit. Fun music, with paper cuts (that means "edge"). Songs I actually repeat: "Don't F*cking Tell Me What To Do", "Criminal Intent", "None of Dem", "Fembot", and "U Should Know Better".
2. The Dead Weather, Sea of Cowards - What's sick is that Jack White has a new fan (me!) and he doesn't know it -- and if he did know it, I don't think he'd care. Whatever, his side band The Dead Weather is my new addiction. Jack's on drums a lot, which is cool, but I dig the trade off on vocals between Jack and Alison Mosshart. Really cool dynamic. She rocks out as hard as P!nk pretends to (*smirk*). (And I like P!nk). Songs I actually repeat: "Blue Blood Blues", "Hustle & Cuss", "Gasoline".
3. k-os, The Anchorman Mixtape - This guy's a rapper-musician-singer-songwriter from Canada, and this free mixtape is really good. I totally dig it, all the way. It uses the movie "The Anchorman" as a theme, with snippets from the movie tacked to the beginning of the songs, but it's not irritating. What's awesome is the scope and breadth of the music. Is there anything k-os can't do? He's singing, he's doing rock, he's rapping, he's doing patois, he's popping popcorn, he's "The 5th Black Beatle" and "The Fourth Fugee". Songs I actually repeat. All of them. It goes by too quickly. [Download it]
More music later, but right now these are the ish.
Peace & Happy listenng...
Monday, November 22, 2010
Compliments!
Compliments (not to be confused with "complements") are awesome to give, and even better to receive. But if you listen closely you will find that there is variety in the way they are communicated. The list below offers a few examples:
1. Straightforward. This is obvious. A person just gives you a compliment. Typical construction: "Derek, you do a good job of _________." Fill in the blank: listening, running, making Lego castles, choosing cantaloupe, planning weddings, recording television shows, etc.
2. Backwards. To the compliment giver, this may seem like a straightforward comment, but it isn't. Typical construction: "Francine, you're not bad at ____________." Fill in the blank: listening, running, making Lego castles, choosing cantaloupe, planning weddings, recording television shows, etc. Saying a person doesn't suck at something isn't the same as saying they're good at it.
3. Left-handed. Ahhh, the left-handed compliment. This remark is so sly it hardly feels like a compliment at all. Sometimes it combines elements of the Backwards compliment into its delivery. Typical construction: "Paula, for a girl with ___________, you sure do ___________!" Fill in the blanks: big feet / run fast; balance issues / dance well; so little experience / handle yourself well in meetings.
4. Sarcastic tone. On paper, this one looks like a straightforward compliment, but the tone gives it away. It's a compliment, but with a hint of jealousy, spite, or anger. Typical construction: "Wow, you sure ARE ______________". Fill in the blank: lucky, tall, getting a lot done today, etc. Listen to the way the words are spoken. Tone is the body language of spoken communication.
5. Hyperbole: This one goes above and beyond the call of a typical compliment. Usually the speaker is expressing the utmost enthusiasm, often accompanied by similes and metaphors. Typical construction: "Gosh, your __________ is as ___________ as ______________." Fill in the blanks: jump shot / smooth / Michael Jordan; piano / large / a woolly mammoth; drawing / accomplished / Picasso.
Thanks for taking the time to check this out. You guys are ___________. Fill in the blank: Great readers, an awesome audience, terrific e-citizens.
Peace & Kind Words!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Straightforward. This is obvious. A person just gives you a compliment. Typical construction: "Derek, you do a good job of _________." Fill in the blank: listening, running, making Lego castles, choosing cantaloupe, planning weddings, recording television shows, etc.
2. Backwards. To the compliment giver, this may seem like a straightforward comment, but it isn't. Typical construction: "Francine, you're not bad at ____________." Fill in the blank: listening, running, making Lego castles, choosing cantaloupe, planning weddings, recording television shows, etc. Saying a person doesn't suck at something isn't the same as saying they're good at it.
3. Left-handed. Ahhh, the left-handed compliment. This remark is so sly it hardly feels like a compliment at all. Sometimes it combines elements of the Backwards compliment into its delivery. Typical construction: "Paula, for a girl with ___________, you sure do ___________!" Fill in the blanks: big feet / run fast; balance issues / dance well; so little experience / handle yourself well in meetings.
4. Sarcastic tone. On paper, this one looks like a straightforward compliment, but the tone gives it away. It's a compliment, but with a hint of jealousy, spite, or anger. Typical construction: "Wow, you sure ARE ______________". Fill in the blank: lucky, tall, getting a lot done today, etc. Listen to the way the words are spoken. Tone is the body language of spoken communication.
5. Hyperbole: This one goes above and beyond the call of a typical compliment. Usually the speaker is expressing the utmost enthusiasm, often accompanied by similes and metaphors. Typical construction: "Gosh, your __________ is as ___________ as ______________." Fill in the blanks: jump shot / smooth / Michael Jordan; piano / large / a woolly mammoth; drawing / accomplished / Picasso.
Thanks for taking the time to check this out. You guys are ___________. Fill in the blank: Great readers, an awesome audience, terrific e-citizens.
Peace & Kind Words!!!!!!!!!!!
Robots Have Feelings Too!
Entertainment culture (is that an oxymoron?) has richly developed the idea of robots, computers, and technology. There is an intersection between robots (and other machines) and the fear that humans will be supplanted by the robots/machines they've created. There's also a subtle play on stoicism, or lack of feeling, when it comes to robots, as movies and books search for, and question, the root of existence and what it really means to be human. Robots are either out to kill "us", become "us", or serve "us". It seems rare that robots are only trying to be themselves, whatever that may entail.
The list below outlines just a few of the recognizable robots/machines that we have seen in popular culture:
1. Frankenstein: First of all, Frankenstein is not the name of a robot. Frankenstein is the doctor that created the monster. Second of all, Frankenstein's monster is a "monster", not a robot. Frankenstein is a character in Mary Shelley's novel, and he uses his scientific knowledge to create a human-like creature that's about 8 feet tall. Although Frankenstein's monster isn't a robot, the novel nevertheless explores issues that have become staples in robot lore and entertainment: namely, the idea that humans create machines, and then machines do unpredictable things, and the comedy or tragedy of the experience illuminates something important about life and humanity.
2. R2-D2 and C-3PO: These are droid characters from the Star Wars film. Both end up serving humans. R2-D2 is small, with a rounded top, and looks a little bit like a small trash can. It also reminds me of the actor Danny DeVito (I'm really sorry). R2-D2 doesn't use words to speak. It communicates through a series of sounds. The humanoids in the movie will be like, "R2-D2, what do you see?" and R2-D2 will be like, "Squiggle, bleep, bleep, squeak, honk, blit blit hum" and the humanoid will be like, "You're right. We should have made a left at that last galaxy."
C-3PO hangs out with R2-D2. C-3PO is tall and thin, and looks like he was made out of a big stash of King Tut's gold. He has big bug eyes, though, which makes him look weird to me, like he's standing in the middle of the street and a bus is coming at him real fast.
3. The Terminator - In the original 1984 Terminator film, California, Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger (before he was Governor) plays a cyborg (part living organism, part machine) that has been sent back in time to kill a woman named Sarah Conner. Apparently, in the first cycle of human history, machines end up attacking humans, leading to a world war between humans and machines. The machines are getting the upper hand, but the humans are resisting under the leadership of John Conner (yep, same initials as Jesus Christ). The machines decide they've had enough of John Conner and his crew, so the machines decide to cheat. They are going to send a cyborg (Schwartzenegger) back in time to kill John's mother Sarah before she ever gets pregnant with John. Kind of like King Herod in the Bible trying to kill all of the young boys in Bethlehem because he didn't want to be usurped by the "anointed one". Except here, when the Terminator is coming after her, Sarah doesn't even know what's going on or that she's ever going to have a child.
Then the story gets weird (spoiler alert). Future John Conner sends a soldier (Kyle) back to protect his mother. Kyle and Sarah manage to escape the Terminator's clutches, but Kyle dies in the process. Kyle and Sarah conceive a child (John), and Sarah makes a series of audio tapes telling John about what she's experienced. At some point in the future, he'll probably have to decide whether or not to send Kyle back, which is going to be kind of awkward if he knows he's sending back his own father. If he doesn't send his father back, of course, he won't exist, and therefore the machines will win. Ouch. Makes my head hurt. The other movies in the series add twists to the original idea, but the execution can get a little goofy (i.e. liquid metal cyborgs, female cyborgs, fallout shelters, odd jokes).
4. Johnny Five - This is a machine/robot from the movie Short Circuit. Originally designed as a military killing machine, the robot gets struck by lightning and suddenly becomes self-aware. Instead of trying to kill, it develops a Zen-like consciousness. The robot is affable and amazingly curious, reading everything it can get about every subject. The robot is supposed to be disassembled, but is befriended by an animal activist (played by Ally Sheedy) and wants to stay alive.
Singer-songwriter Janelle Monae explores these types of sci-fi topics in her music. Her 2007 music album Metropolis: Suite I (The Chase) and her 2010 album The ArchAndroid (Suites II and III) share this theme of robots being targeted for destruction because they have behaved outside of their initial programming parameters. In her albums, Monae plays the role of android Cindi Mayweather. When the android falls in love with a human named Anthony Greendown, Mayweather is hunted and marked for dis-assembly.
5. The Machines of the Matrix - In The Matrix trilogy, machines have taken over the world and are harvesting humans as a source of energy. Humans are grown in little pods (it's not clear how, or if, human reproduction is occurring). While the humans are growing, the machines feed their minds with data and imagery that makes humans believe they are living in a world that looks very much like our own. This world (which the humans refer to as "the matrix") is a fantasy world created by the machines. The Matrix is about the human journey to unplug from this fantasy world, and join the resistance against the dominance of artificial intelligence. There's a lot of the same savior symbolism that you find in The Terminator flicks: the chosen one, named "Neo" (an anagram of "one"), will liberate his people from involuntary servitude. There's also a lot of computer programming talk and geek-speak in the Matrix films.
6. Gus Gorman's machine in Superman III: Gus Gorman (played by Richard Pryor) has trouble finding jobs but discovers he is something of a wiz when it comes to computer programming. His talents are then utilized by a ruthless rich fat cat Ross Webster and his sister Vera. Through a series of schemes (GIGANTIC SPOILER ALERT), the Websters will use computers (via Gus's programming skills) to manipulate the economy and get even wealthier. Unfortunately, Superman (played by the most awesome Superman of all time, Christopher Reeve) keeps f@#king it up for them. They get Gus to tap into a satellite to try to kill Superman with some outer-space bootleg kryptonite (exposure to which is Superman's weakness), but it only turns him evil. While he's having a total identity crisis and acting like a diva (straightening the Leaning Tower of Pisa, blowing out the Olympic Torch during the cherished ceremonies, going on alcoholic binges, having one-night stands, etc.), the Websters are building Gus Gorman a super-computer, one that will do anything you tell it to do. It will even analyze an oncoming threat and figure out its opponent's weaknesses. Predictably, Gus Gorman's version of Frankenstein's monster starts doing things on its own, and goes all out of control and haywire, eventually turning on its creators and really ticking Superman off.
A lot of people think this movie sucks, but I respectfully disagree. Richard Pryor is funny in it, and its theme of how "good" and "evil" can often look alike, overlap, and intertwine is better executed than it has any right to be. Is it even possible to make a "good" movie about an alien with superpowers who wears his underwear on top of his primary colored tights but believes in "truth, justice, and The American Way?" Saying such a movie is corny is like saying you don't like rock music because they play guitar all the time. It kind of comes with the territory. But that's a topic for another list.
We'll have to do more on this at another time.
Peace & Robotics!!!!!!!!!!!!
The list below outlines just a few of the recognizable robots/machines that we have seen in popular culture:
1. Frankenstein: First of all, Frankenstein is not the name of a robot. Frankenstein is the doctor that created the monster. Second of all, Frankenstein's monster is a "monster", not a robot. Frankenstein is a character in Mary Shelley's novel, and he uses his scientific knowledge to create a human-like creature that's about 8 feet tall. Although Frankenstein's monster isn't a robot, the novel nevertheless explores issues that have become staples in robot lore and entertainment: namely, the idea that humans create machines, and then machines do unpredictable things, and the comedy or tragedy of the experience illuminates something important about life and humanity. |
| C-3PO |
C-3PO hangs out with R2-D2. C-3PO is tall and thin, and looks like he was made out of a big stash of King Tut's gold. He has big bug eyes, though, which makes him look weird to me, like he's standing in the middle of the street and a bus is coming at him real fast.
 |
| Danny DeVito |
 | ||||
| R2-D2 |
3. The Terminator - In the original 1984 Terminator film, California, Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger (before he was Governor) plays a cyborg (part living organism, part machine) that has been sent back in time to kill a woman named Sarah Conner. Apparently, in the first cycle of human history, machines end up attacking humans, leading to a world war between humans and machines. The machines are getting the upper hand, but the humans are resisting under the leadership of John Conner (yep, same initials as Jesus Christ). The machines decide they've had enough of John Conner and his crew, so the machines decide to cheat. They are going to send a cyborg (Schwartzenegger) back in time to kill John's mother Sarah before she ever gets pregnant with John. Kind of like King Herod in the Bible trying to kill all of the young boys in Bethlehem because he didn't want to be usurped by the "anointed one". Except here, when the Terminator is coming after her, Sarah doesn't even know what's going on or that she's ever going to have a child.Then the story gets weird (spoiler alert). Future John Conner sends a soldier (Kyle) back to protect his mother. Kyle and Sarah manage to escape the Terminator's clutches, but Kyle dies in the process. Kyle and Sarah conceive a child (John), and Sarah makes a series of audio tapes telling John about what she's experienced. At some point in the future, he'll probably have to decide whether or not to send Kyle back, which is going to be kind of awkward if he knows he's sending back his own father. If he doesn't send his father back, of course, he won't exist, and therefore the machines will win. Ouch. Makes my head hurt. The other movies in the series add twists to the original idea, but the execution can get a little goofy (i.e. liquid metal cyborgs, female cyborgs, fallout shelters, odd jokes).
4. Johnny Five - This is a machine/robot from the movie Short Circuit. Originally designed as a military killing machine, the robot gets struck by lightning and suddenly becomes self-aware. Instead of trying to kill, it develops a Zen-like consciousness. The robot is affable and amazingly curious, reading everything it can get about every subject. The robot is supposed to be disassembled, but is befriended by an animal activist (played by Ally Sheedy) and wants to stay alive.
5. The Machines of the Matrix - In The Matrix trilogy, machines have taken over the world and are harvesting humans as a source of energy. Humans are grown in little pods (it's not clear how, or if, human reproduction is occurring). While the humans are growing, the machines feed their minds with data and imagery that makes humans believe they are living in a world that looks very much like our own. This world (which the humans refer to as "the matrix") is a fantasy world created by the machines. The Matrix is about the human journey to unplug from this fantasy world, and join the resistance against the dominance of artificial intelligence. There's a lot of the same savior symbolism that you find in The Terminator flicks: the chosen one, named "Neo" (an anagram of "one"), will liberate his people from involuntary servitude. There's also a lot of computer programming talk and geek-speak in the Matrix films.
 |
| Superman fights against a Super Computer |
 | |
| Superman, after a tough day. |
A lot of people think this movie sucks, but I respectfully disagree. Richard Pryor is funny in it, and its theme of how "good" and "evil" can often look alike, overlap, and intertwine is better executed than it has any right to be. Is it even possible to make a "good" movie about an alien with superpowers who wears his underwear on top of his primary colored tights but believes in "truth, justice, and The American Way?" Saying such a movie is corny is like saying you don't like rock music because they play guitar all the time. It kind of comes with the territory. But that's a topic for another list.
We'll have to do more on this at another time.
Peace & Robotics!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
You Want YOUR Kid To Be a Tennis Pro?!
Since I give tennis lessons on pretty much a daily basis, and I mainly work with young people, I'd like to offer some kind words of advice to any parents out there looking to get their kid interested in the sport and/or hoping that their kid will be the next Roger Federer or Maria Sharapova. It's amazing how just a few tips can prepare a beginning tennis-parent and/or young champion for the future:
0-0: The first thing you need to do before taking your child to a tennis professional for lessons? How about a little parenting? Try it sometimes. It works. Playing tennis takes discipline -- ya know, like, hitting the ball inside those little line thingies? They aren't just there for decoration. Yet, kids try to play tennis like the lines don't even apply to them. Some of them actually think it's fun to hit the ball OVER the fence. That's because their parents have failed to set boundaries for them. Set a curfew for a kid and say, "Look, dude, you gotta go to bed before 1AM in the morning." Stop negotiating with your kids and tell them what they MUST do, instead of asking them stuff. "Would you like to take a nap now?" Of course s/he doesn't want to take a nap now! Too many parents take their brats out to a tennis instructor and now this poor tennis pro has to deal with a kid that is unable to listen to instructions and is completely unprepared for the discipline that sports demand. You don't have to spank your kids, but you should at least -- oh, I don't know -- pay attention to what they're doing. For real.
1-0: Since you failed to do the parenting thing, recognize that your kids aren't as sweet or as precious as you think they are. I don't mean to sound like Pres. Obama here, but, look, let's be clear: nobody likes your kids. Hell, you don't even like them, and they're yours. Stop bringing your brats out to things like tennis camps or swimming camps or soccer camps and dumping them in some poor sucker's lap. There's a bad seed in the bunch that is ruining things for all the other kids, and it's probably your kid. So if you're wondering why your kid isn't getting any better at tennis, or whatever activity s/he is participating in, understand that your kid is obnoxious and is probably cussing his/her instructor out. Your kid has a stank attitude, talks too much sH!t to people, and is entirely overrated. Also, you're probably wondering why your kid is making straight A's in school but not doing well in a sport like tennis. It's because teachers don't want to see your kid again, so they are promoting him/her to the next grade to get rid of them. Which means...
2-0: Your kid isn't as smart as you think s/he is. No, really. Most of them are pretty dumb, although they have a tendency to act like they know every f*@$ing thing (Gee, I wonder where they are getting that from???). Unfortunately, they don't know their left from their right. Once, I asked a kid to move his left foot, and this guy actually moved his right HAND. Dude, really? Not only do you not have any sense of direction, but you don't know your hand from your foot?! WTF? That's pathetic. Some of them can't count, which makes it very tough to keep score in any sport, but especially in a sport like tennis where people like your kid came up with the weird scoring ("40-Love"). Don't keep them away from sports, just understand that your kid isn't the hottest French fry in the combo. You're on the sidelines going, "Run to the ball," and your kid is standing there going, "What the F*zk is a ball?" Which also leads us to the fact that...
3-0: Your kid isn't as athletically inclined as you think s/he is. I hear lots of stories about how good a kid is and how athletic a kid is, only to meet the kid and discover the kid needs to be taught how to run or the kid throws like s/he just woke up from a 9 year coma and the kid is 10 years old. Your kid isn't as fast as you think s/he is. Your child is awkward, weird looking, and is just now figuring out that the ball is going to the "left" and not the "right". Cut the kid a little slack. You're expecting the kid to be Raphael Nadal. Well, before Raphael Nadal was "Raphael Nadal", I'm sure he was a kid too, and even he probably had to be taught how to do things, like run, jump, backpedal, shuffle, and squat. Raphael Nadal is CRAZY athletic now. Kids are kids. They can't do grown man Raphael Nadal sh!t at 5 years old. Wake the f#$k up.
4-0: You need to stay yo' @ss off the court while the tennis instructor is trying to teach your kid. You're just getting in the way, and if you keep it up, you're going to f#@k it up for everybody. The tennis pro is "the tennis pro" for a reason. Let him/her do his/her job. Don't stand on the sidelines shouting at your kid with lame @ss stuff like, "Move your feet, bud," and "Get your racket back, sweet pea," and other stuff you heard from the tennis commentators on television. Let the tennis pro do the job, that's what the heck you're paying them to do. Nobody just drops in at your job, without knowing anything about your job, and starts shouting things at you and telling you what you need to do to get better. If that's happening to you, then your job is either wayyyyyyyy too easy to do or you need better security at your job. Stop trying to coach from the bleachers. It's irritating, and more than likely you don't know what the f#@k you're talking about. Watch your kid, fine. Cheer for your kid, fine. But start barking instructions at your kid while the tennis pro is trying to teach? You need your @ss kicked.
5-0: How about turning off the television? A sport like tennis takes concentration. A kid needs to be able to concentrate for more than an hour. Most tennis lessons are about an hour. Most tennis matches last a little longer than an hour. How can a kid concentrate if you let them watch TV all the time? TV is built around pockets of "show" (sitcom, drama, reality, whatever) with these little breaks for commercials. At best, they can concentrate for about 12 or 13 minutes, and then they take a break for commercials. Some studies theorize that the commercials are really the "shows", that it's the ads that make TV what it is, and the TV shows we watch are just there to hook us to the tube so we can get blitzed by campaigns for new products. That means, viewers are concentrating for 5 minutes, at most, and then tuning out for the real "show" for 10 to 15 minutes at a time! Turn off the damn television! And for all those parents who say, "Well, my kid doesn't watch any television"? You're full of crap. Your kid sneaks it in when you're not looking or not around, because you aren't paying f*$king attention to what they do. I know this, because the kids tell me this. They tell me all about where they last saved in Grand Theft Auto, the new rated R movie they watched, and which housewife is their favorite on The Real Housewives of Whatever. Pay a-f*!king-ttention.
6-0: Pay your instructor promptly and without fail. And, oh my goodness gracious, don't ever let your checks bounce. More than likely, your tennis pro isn't getting paid enough to deal with your little obnoxious brat. At least pay them what you promised, and do it when you promised, okay?
Got it? Good. Have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Peace & U.S. Open tickets
0-0: The first thing you need to do before taking your child to a tennis professional for lessons? How about a little parenting? Try it sometimes. It works. Playing tennis takes discipline -- ya know, like, hitting the ball inside those little line thingies? They aren't just there for decoration. Yet, kids try to play tennis like the lines don't even apply to them. Some of them actually think it's fun to hit the ball OVER the fence. That's because their parents have failed to set boundaries for them. Set a curfew for a kid and say, "Look, dude, you gotta go to bed before 1AM in the morning." Stop negotiating with your kids and tell them what they MUST do, instead of asking them stuff. "Would you like to take a nap now?" Of course s/he doesn't want to take a nap now! Too many parents take their brats out to a tennis instructor and now this poor tennis pro has to deal with a kid that is unable to listen to instructions and is completely unprepared for the discipline that sports demand. You don't have to spank your kids, but you should at least -- oh, I don't know -- pay attention to what they're doing. For real.
1-0: Since you failed to do the parenting thing, recognize that your kids aren't as sweet or as precious as you think they are. I don't mean to sound like Pres. Obama here, but, look, let's be clear: nobody likes your kids. Hell, you don't even like them, and they're yours. Stop bringing your brats out to things like tennis camps or swimming camps or soccer camps and dumping them in some poor sucker's lap. There's a bad seed in the bunch that is ruining things for all the other kids, and it's probably your kid. So if you're wondering why your kid isn't getting any better at tennis, or whatever activity s/he is participating in, understand that your kid is obnoxious and is probably cussing his/her instructor out. Your kid has a stank attitude, talks too much sH!t to people, and is entirely overrated. Also, you're probably wondering why your kid is making straight A's in school but not doing well in a sport like tennis. It's because teachers don't want to see your kid again, so they are promoting him/her to the next grade to get rid of them. Which means...
2-0: Your kid isn't as smart as you think s/he is. No, really. Most of them are pretty dumb, although they have a tendency to act like they know every f*@$ing thing (Gee, I wonder where they are getting that from???). Unfortunately, they don't know their left from their right. Once, I asked a kid to move his left foot, and this guy actually moved his right HAND. Dude, really? Not only do you not have any sense of direction, but you don't know your hand from your foot?! WTF? That's pathetic. Some of them can't count, which makes it very tough to keep score in any sport, but especially in a sport like tennis where people like your kid came up with the weird scoring ("40-Love"). Don't keep them away from sports, just understand that your kid isn't the hottest French fry in the combo. You're on the sidelines going, "Run to the ball," and your kid is standing there going, "What the F*zk is a ball?" Which also leads us to the fact that...
3-0: Your kid isn't as athletically inclined as you think s/he is. I hear lots of stories about how good a kid is and how athletic a kid is, only to meet the kid and discover the kid needs to be taught how to run or the kid throws like s/he just woke up from a 9 year coma and the kid is 10 years old. Your kid isn't as fast as you think s/he is. Your child is awkward, weird looking, and is just now figuring out that the ball is going to the "left" and not the "right". Cut the kid a little slack. You're expecting the kid to be Raphael Nadal. Well, before Raphael Nadal was "Raphael Nadal", I'm sure he was a kid too, and even he probably had to be taught how to do things, like run, jump, backpedal, shuffle, and squat. Raphael Nadal is CRAZY athletic now. Kids are kids. They can't do grown man Raphael Nadal sh!t at 5 years old. Wake the f#$k up.
4-0: You need to stay yo' @ss off the court while the tennis instructor is trying to teach your kid. You're just getting in the way, and if you keep it up, you're going to f#@k it up for everybody. The tennis pro is "the tennis pro" for a reason. Let him/her do his/her job. Don't stand on the sidelines shouting at your kid with lame @ss stuff like, "Move your feet, bud," and "Get your racket back, sweet pea," and other stuff you heard from the tennis commentators on television. Let the tennis pro do the job, that's what the heck you're paying them to do. Nobody just drops in at your job, without knowing anything about your job, and starts shouting things at you and telling you what you need to do to get better. If that's happening to you, then your job is either wayyyyyyyy too easy to do or you need better security at your job. Stop trying to coach from the bleachers. It's irritating, and more than likely you don't know what the f#@k you're talking about. Watch your kid, fine. Cheer for your kid, fine. But start barking instructions at your kid while the tennis pro is trying to teach? You need your @ss kicked.
5-0: How about turning off the television? A sport like tennis takes concentration. A kid needs to be able to concentrate for more than an hour. Most tennis lessons are about an hour. Most tennis matches last a little longer than an hour. How can a kid concentrate if you let them watch TV all the time? TV is built around pockets of "show" (sitcom, drama, reality, whatever) with these little breaks for commercials. At best, they can concentrate for about 12 or 13 minutes, and then they take a break for commercials. Some studies theorize that the commercials are really the "shows", that it's the ads that make TV what it is, and the TV shows we watch are just there to hook us to the tube so we can get blitzed by campaigns for new products. That means, viewers are concentrating for 5 minutes, at most, and then tuning out for the real "show" for 10 to 15 minutes at a time! Turn off the damn television! And for all those parents who say, "Well, my kid doesn't watch any television"? You're full of crap. Your kid sneaks it in when you're not looking or not around, because you aren't paying f*$king attention to what they do. I know this, because the kids tell me this. They tell me all about where they last saved in Grand Theft Auto, the new rated R movie they watched, and which housewife is their favorite on The Real Housewives of Whatever. Pay a-f*!king-ttention.
6-0: Pay your instructor promptly and without fail. And, oh my goodness gracious, don't ever let your checks bounce. More than likely, your tennis pro isn't getting paid enough to deal with your little obnoxious brat. At least pay them what you promised, and do it when you promised, okay?
Got it? Good. Have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Peace & U.S. Open tickets
A Few Things I Dig About Oprah
Oprah Winfrey is more than a talk show host(ess), she's an icon and a cultural phenomenon. Whether you ever watched her television show or not, you cannot say you've never heard of her. People who are serving life sentences in prison know who she is. People who have been institutionalized in psych wards and don't know who they are know who she is. I'm convinced polar bears know who she is and are curious as to why she's never interviewed a penguin on her show. (Seriously, though, what's she got against penguins, yo?). More than the adoration of an individual is a detailed study of what fascinates us about that individual. To map this out, here's a list of things I dig about Oprah:
1. Her name - it's unusual. I can't say I've ever met another person named "Oprah". I'm sure there's gotta be somebody else with that name, unless she trademarked it or something or made it so parents have to pay royalties on the use of that name for their children (oh, wait, that would go to Merv Griffin, hehe). Anyway, it's relatively unique. Unlike Barbara, Michelle, Laura, Hillary -- which just happen to be the names of First Ladies, by the way. Pretty generic. Hmm...*rubs chin*). Also, you can't say "O" in "Oprah" without looking like you're awestruck. Sweet name.
2. She's not Maury - There have been a truckload of loser nonsensical silly worthless punk @ss talk show hosts (and hostesses) but thank goodness Oprah isn't any of them. She's not Maury, the King of the paternity test. She's not Ricki Lake, the Makeover Queen. She's not the one who surprised a guest with a secret crush and got somebody killed (can't think of her name right now). Oprah is Oprah, and she doesn't do paternity tests or shows about people who would like to marry their cousins or whatever. She interviews celebrities, and does shows about issues.
3. She doesn't take any crap - You don't mess with Oprah. Remember the dude who wrote the memoir and we found out it was really fiction, and he had been on Oprah's show telling her all the details of his so-called life? When it came out that he hadn't been truthful, Oprah was pissed. She went on Larry King and was like, "Oh no this dude did not come up on my show and try to play me." Oprah cannot be played. She hauled the dude back on her show and proceeded to cuss him out, and then sent him to bed with no supper. That's what you get.
4. Oprah is never wrong - even when she's completely, 100% dead wrong, she's right. Not because if you look at it from her perspective she's right -- she's actually 100% dead wrong, from every perspective. But she doesn't think she is. Oprah uses mind control on reality and gets it to conform to her whims. Question, "Oprah, why don't you have rappers on your show?" Answer, "Because rap doesn't exist. What is this 'rap' of which you speak? I've never heard of it but it sounds like a novel idea".
5. Oprah knows more about politics than politicians -- she's better at politics and getting people involved than politicians. The only people doing it bigger in this regard are Bono (because he's awesome), Jon Stewart (because he's awesome) and his mini-me Stephen Colbert (because he's awesome at pretending he believes he's awesome for acting like a host on an MSNBC show). These others are awesome at rallying people together, but part of their appeal lies in what they do -- Bono is a supremely talented musician. Stewart and Colbert are really funny. They appeal to us because we tap into their talent. Oprah is just Oprah, and we know her for being Oprah. She's the first fully functioning celebrity who is really just known for being who she is. She's done some acting but it's not the main thing we know her for. She's not a comedian. She's not known for singing. If rap existed, I'm not sure she would be interested in it. I haven't seen her dance. I think we like her for her sincerity, and that's the kind of thing that moves people. That, and giving people cars and houses and sh!t.
6. She's sincere. - And she gives people cars and houses and sh*t.
7. She seems to enjoy our planet's resident musical genius, Prince Rogers Nelson. - Anybody who likes Prince has got to have some redeeming qualities. Oprah's got plenty.
Oprah and the Oprah Winfrey Show just can't be beat, Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
Peace & TV listings
1. Her name - it's unusual. I can't say I've ever met another person named "Oprah". I'm sure there's gotta be somebody else with that name, unless she trademarked it or something or made it so parents have to pay royalties on the use of that name for their children (oh, wait, that would go to Merv Griffin, hehe). Anyway, it's relatively unique. Unlike Barbara, Michelle, Laura, Hillary -- which just happen to be the names of First Ladies, by the way. Pretty generic. Hmm...*rubs chin*). Also, you can't say "O" in "Oprah" without looking like you're awestruck. Sweet name.
2. She's not Maury - There have been a truckload of loser nonsensical silly worthless punk @ss talk show hosts (and hostesses) but thank goodness Oprah isn't any of them. She's not Maury, the King of the paternity test. She's not Ricki Lake, the Makeover Queen. She's not the one who surprised a guest with a secret crush and got somebody killed (can't think of her name right now). Oprah is Oprah, and she doesn't do paternity tests or shows about people who would like to marry their cousins or whatever. She interviews celebrities, and does shows about issues.
3. She doesn't take any crap - You don't mess with Oprah. Remember the dude who wrote the memoir and we found out it was really fiction, and he had been on Oprah's show telling her all the details of his so-called life? When it came out that he hadn't been truthful, Oprah was pissed. She went on Larry King and was like, "Oh no this dude did not come up on my show and try to play me." Oprah cannot be played. She hauled the dude back on her show and proceeded to cuss him out, and then sent him to bed with no supper. That's what you get.
4. Oprah is never wrong - even when she's completely, 100% dead wrong, she's right. Not because if you look at it from her perspective she's right -- she's actually 100% dead wrong, from every perspective. But she doesn't think she is. Oprah uses mind control on reality and gets it to conform to her whims. Question, "Oprah, why don't you have rappers on your show?" Answer, "Because rap doesn't exist. What is this 'rap' of which you speak? I've never heard of it but it sounds like a novel idea".
5. Oprah knows more about politics than politicians -- she's better at politics and getting people involved than politicians. The only people doing it bigger in this regard are Bono (because he's awesome), Jon Stewart (because he's awesome) and his mini-me Stephen Colbert (because he's awesome at pretending he believes he's awesome for acting like a host on an MSNBC show). These others are awesome at rallying people together, but part of their appeal lies in what they do -- Bono is a supremely talented musician. Stewart and Colbert are really funny. They appeal to us because we tap into their talent. Oprah is just Oprah, and we know her for being Oprah. She's the first fully functioning celebrity who is really just known for being who she is. She's done some acting but it's not the main thing we know her for. She's not a comedian. She's not known for singing. If rap existed, I'm not sure she would be interested in it. I haven't seen her dance. I think we like her for her sincerity, and that's the kind of thing that moves people. That, and giving people cars and houses and sh!t.
6. She's sincere. - And she gives people cars and houses and sh*t.
7. She seems to enjoy our planet's resident musical genius, Prince Rogers Nelson. - Anybody who likes Prince has got to have some redeeming qualities. Oprah's got plenty.
Oprah and the Oprah Winfrey Show just can't be beat, Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
Peace & TV listings
Why People Don't Wear Watches (With Thought Bubbles)
Okay, so, lately I've been asking folks who don't wear watches why they don't wear watches, especially people who are always running behind schedule. The question, which was deceptively complex and full of twists and turns, was, "Why don't you wear a watch?" and the answers were (with my unspoken thought bubbles in parentheses):
1. "For What?" ("Um, so you can figure out what time it is, you perennially behind schedule mothaf*!#er. What the f#2k are you using now, a sun dial?)
2. "Because I'm a boss, and things don't start until I get there" ("Right, that would be true, except everything seems to start without you, dude, seriously. Get an effing watch").
3. "Because it reminds me of handcuffs, and I'm not really into that." ("OMG, WTF?!")
4. "That's what I have a cell phone for." ("Pause -- no, that's not what phones are for. What do you do with a watch? Talk to other people like Penny from Inspector Gadget? What do you use an iron for -- an answering machine? C'mon").
5. "I lost my watch" ("Gee, I wish there was a way for you to get another one. Oh, I know, if only there were people who figured they could sell things like this and if only there could be a form of currency with which such items could be purchased. Oh, well." *shrug*)
6. "I like to be late" ("Wow...")
7. "My wrists are too thin, and the watch always slides up and down my arm, and it bothers me when I walk, drive, exercise, or use eating utensils" (No comment, just *gulp*).
8. "I'm afraid I will take it off and I will leave it at my girlfriend's house" ("And your wife will find out. I get it").
9. "I don't look good in a watch" ("What the hell types of watches are you wearing? You're not supposed to look like Flava Flav, you're just supposed to wear one on your wrist. If you need a dressing room to try on your watch, that joint is too big, for real")
10. "I don't like them" ("All right. Fair enough").
Peace & Timeliness
1. "For What?" ("Um, so you can figure out what time it is, you perennially behind schedule mothaf*!#er. What the f#2k are you using now, a sun dial?)
2. "Because I'm a boss, and things don't start until I get there" ("Right, that would be true, except everything seems to start without you, dude, seriously. Get an effing watch").
3. "Because it reminds me of handcuffs, and I'm not really into that." ("OMG, WTF?!")
4. "That's what I have a cell phone for." ("Pause -- no, that's not what phones are for. What do you do with a watch? Talk to other people like Penny from Inspector Gadget? What do you use an iron for -- an answering machine? C'mon").
5. "I lost my watch" ("Gee, I wish there was a way for you to get another one. Oh, I know, if only there were people who figured they could sell things like this and if only there could be a form of currency with which such items could be purchased. Oh, well." *shrug*)
6. "I like to be late" ("Wow...")
7. "My wrists are too thin, and the watch always slides up and down my arm, and it bothers me when I walk, drive, exercise, or use eating utensils" (No comment, just *gulp*).
8. "I'm afraid I will take it off and I will leave it at my girlfriend's house" ("And your wife will find out. I get it").
9. "I don't look good in a watch" ("What the hell types of watches are you wearing? You're not supposed to look like Flava Flav, you're just supposed to wear one on your wrist. If you need a dressing room to try on your watch, that joint is too big, for real")
10. "I don't like them" ("All right. Fair enough").
Peace & Timeliness
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Reasons Why Lists Are Awesome
1. Order - Oh, the beauty of a list brings order out of the chaos of life. Lists make things manageable, palatable even, rather than the haphazard presentation of the mundane. This type of order, of course, is an illusion but that's part of the awesome-ness of it! People who say "ignorance" is bliss are wrong -- well, okay, if you're "ignorant", then it sounds right. But the real bliss is the illusion that you are getting what you want, that things are going the way you planned them. And you get to feel that way every time you track the footsteps of your thoughts with a super duper list. You get to feel like you are in...
2. Control - Slightly different than experiencing order instead of chaos. Who doesn't want "Control"? Seriously, where would Janet Jackson be without it? She'd be doing what her father said and letting her mother mold her. Where would Prince be without control? He'd be just another mere mortal. I'll bet you these types of stars make lists. Musicians in general are fascinated by lists. On their album covers, they list the songs on their albums. They labor over the sequencing of an album. They know listeners like to make playlists. They pay attention to Billboard lists of hot singles and albums. Critics make end-of-year lists about the best music released in a given period of time. It's all about control, and lists allow you to bend reality and manipulate perception. Lists are portals into alternate universes (no Fringe). Lists are awesome, and you too can be awesome for reading one.
3. Numbers - lists are best when they have numbers, and everybody knows numbers are awesome. Especially Roman Numerals, which are especially elegant and sophisticated (thought bubble: Roman = Italy = Opera = Love = Elegance = Sophistication = Order = Lists). Do you wanna be elegant and sophisticated? Hell yeah, you do. And you can, ya know. First, make a list. Feel the Order and Control of it all. Next, use numbers for your list, and if you want that elegant and sophisticated rapport with your reader, add some Roman Numbers up in this mug. Yeah, that's it. Like that. Eye-Ex the hell outta that list. You'll be glad you did ;-)
4. Tough - That's right, lists are "tough", and by "tough" I don't mean they are difficult to put together. Some of them are, especially if you make a list about something and you don't know what the $#1! you're talking about. No, I mean "tough" as in "hardcore". Lists let people know you mean business, that you are not to be trifled with. If somebody is getting on your nerves, and you wanna put 'em in their place, it's a good idea to drop a list on 'em. Some loser is ticking you off? You should be like, "Yo, first of all, motherf#Ak#r, you ain't all that. Second of all, you're an Urkel-sized dork and a nincompoop and that's why you're about to lose your job. And, third, I'm about to twist yo' punk @ss up into a pretzel." See? The fact that you can even make a list at all shows that you ain't playing. Who makes a list when they're ticked off? Who does that? That's crazy! Only the strongest willed among us can pull it off. It shows presence of mind, and a commitment to never cracking under pressure.
5. Sexy - lists are sexy. They must be. That's why when the women-centered magazines talk about "How to Sex Your Man Crazy" and "Things You Don't Know About Your Man's Pillow Talk", they give it to you in a list. It's "Three Sexual Positions to Make Him Stop Thinking About Your Roommate" or "Five Sexy Colors That Will Hypnotize Him" or "Four Shades of Lipstick That Force Him to Listen". It's always a list. Lists evoke sexiness. And lists are sexy in and of themselves. The next time you're trying to impress a potential significant other, make a list right in front of them. Strike up a conversation as you normally would (because walking up to a stranger and showing them a list is kind of Stephen King-y) and when the conversation starts going in the right direction and you want to convince them that you'd be a great person to date, give them a list of fun things you'd like to do with them. If you like, you can borrow some items from a list in a women's magazine. I'm sure there's a list of "Ten Things You Should Tell A Potential Mate If You Want to Show Them Your Sexy Side" at a local checkout counter near you.
Peace & Lots o' listings
2. Control - Slightly different than experiencing order instead of chaos. Who doesn't want "Control"? Seriously, where would Janet Jackson be without it? She'd be doing what her father said and letting her mother mold her. Where would Prince be without control? He'd be just another mere mortal. I'll bet you these types of stars make lists. Musicians in general are fascinated by lists. On their album covers, they list the songs on their albums. They labor over the sequencing of an album. They know listeners like to make playlists. They pay attention to Billboard lists of hot singles and albums. Critics make end-of-year lists about the best music released in a given period of time. It's all about control, and lists allow you to bend reality and manipulate perception. Lists are portals into alternate universes (no Fringe). Lists are awesome, and you too can be awesome for reading one.
3. Numbers - lists are best when they have numbers, and everybody knows numbers are awesome. Especially Roman Numerals, which are especially elegant and sophisticated (thought bubble: Roman = Italy = Opera = Love = Elegance = Sophistication = Order = Lists). Do you wanna be elegant and sophisticated? Hell yeah, you do. And you can, ya know. First, make a list. Feel the Order and Control of it all. Next, use numbers for your list, and if you want that elegant and sophisticated rapport with your reader, add some Roman Numbers up in this mug. Yeah, that's it. Like that. Eye-Ex the hell outta that list. You'll be glad you did ;-)
4. Tough - That's right, lists are "tough", and by "tough" I don't mean they are difficult to put together. Some of them are, especially if you make a list about something and you don't know what the $#1! you're talking about. No, I mean "tough" as in "hardcore". Lists let people know you mean business, that you are not to be trifled with. If somebody is getting on your nerves, and you wanna put 'em in their place, it's a good idea to drop a list on 'em. Some loser is ticking you off? You should be like, "Yo, first of all, motherf#Ak#r, you ain't all that. Second of all, you're an Urkel-sized dork and a nincompoop and that's why you're about to lose your job. And, third, I'm about to twist yo' punk @ss up into a pretzel." See? The fact that you can even make a list at all shows that you ain't playing. Who makes a list when they're ticked off? Who does that? That's crazy! Only the strongest willed among us can pull it off. It shows presence of mind, and a commitment to never cracking under pressure.
5. Sexy - lists are sexy. They must be. That's why when the women-centered magazines talk about "How to Sex Your Man Crazy" and "Things You Don't Know About Your Man's Pillow Talk", they give it to you in a list. It's "Three Sexual Positions to Make Him Stop Thinking About Your Roommate" or "Five Sexy Colors That Will Hypnotize Him" or "Four Shades of Lipstick That Force Him to Listen". It's always a list. Lists evoke sexiness. And lists are sexy in and of themselves. The next time you're trying to impress a potential significant other, make a list right in front of them. Strike up a conversation as you normally would (because walking up to a stranger and showing them a list is kind of Stephen King-y) and when the conversation starts going in the right direction and you want to convince them that you'd be a great person to date, give them a list of fun things you'd like to do with them. If you like, you can borrow some items from a list in a women's magazine. I'm sure there's a list of "Ten Things You Should Tell A Potential Mate If You Want to Show Them Your Sexy Side" at a local checkout counter near you.
Peace & Lots o' listings
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